I had a date to go walk with my mom today after she got off from work. So I go to get ready. and I try on clothes and nothing fit me. I put on so much weight nothing fits me right anymore. So I am there feeling really fat and ugly. But I decide to dress up as nice as I can anyway with the few things that do kinda fit. So finally I manage to get an outfit together and I feel pretty goof about myself despite everything. Plus, I found my hair looked nice and I put on some of my new accessories. So all in all, feeling fat but stylish at least.
So I go walk with my mom. It is a good walk. Eventually I dropped her off at the bus stop and decided to walk home form there. So I am walking home and the walk is feeling good. I am listening to my MP3 player, enjoying my walk, minding my own business. then these two skinny little witches (with a B) who are well who knows but I give them around 15 maybe, start laughing at me. So I decide it isn't worth it. I figure what do I care what perfect strangers who btw are ill-mannered think of me. So I just act as if I don't hear because of my MP3 and keep walking. So then they start getting louder. So I keep ignoring them. so then they actually collaborate and combine their efforts to make sure I hear them and start shouting: "1, 2, 3, Loser!". I felt so hurt and humiliated and embarrassed. And I know I shouldn't care what some food deprived prepubescent child thinks of me. But I was mortified.
Why do people think it is o.k. to just be mean and cruel to perfect strangers for no reason? Why? and what is it about me that attracts that from others?
I usually like walking in my neighborhood. It usually is one of the things that makes me feel better. Now, I don't even want to go out.
Then to make things worse the whole emotional eating came into play and I did not feel better till I had eaten my way through bread and cheese, fruit salad, ice cream, stir fry and a whole small pizza with dipping sauce. Then I just felt foolish and fat and ugly and nauseous...No wonder I am fat.