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I just wanted to add something before this post is abondoned. I have always been close to my husband and I am also obsessive about him calling me, texting me etc. He went overseas last year for over a month and I was truely alone for the first time in ages. All I could do was wait for the odd e-mail. He is my strength and without him there, I tend to fall apart. The only advice I can give is that when he goes away now, I make sure I stay with my in-laws because being alone makes it unbearable. I also understand about fear of losing love if you lose him. I met my husband at school and we have been inseprable since. Even after he told me he had done something with another woman, I was devastated but never thought of leaving him. He is my soulmate. I know it is not much of a consolation but thought I'd share this with you. And nothing is worthless- don't be so hard on yourself.
There is no turning point. Sorry I posted here, sorry I began this thread, it is worthless. I hoped for too much once again. There's nothing more to say.
Took time to read your thread. Must admit I am super tired and I have nothing smart or helpful to say lol. But I did want to ask how you were doing and how was your day. Please keep us posted!
How to stay positive about ourselves and our actions? Well, guess we wouldn't be here if we had mastered that... One nice idea I came across the other day was to stick post-its up with nice messages to yourself. Yeah- I know it sounds weird but I have one on my bathroom mirror on bright purple paper that says "you are beautiful" and every time I look in the mirror I read it and feel a little better. My hubby doesn't mind and its a small thing that can make you feel like someone is complementing you (even if it is yourself!)
I guess there's not answers for everything. It's likely an awareness issue, but once I hit that point of unreasonable reason I lose the awareness factor. I can only see the catastrophy, am blinded by the darkeness of my thoughts and then I stumble and fall. I'd like to think that the next time I have an issue like I had on Friday that I will be better about it. I just don't have a plan or method to ensure that right now. Maybe just the fact that this was so unpleasant will deter me, but I doubt it. I seem to gravitate toward the negative and unpleasant.
I'm known as a pessimest concerning myself, I can be positive about others, but not me. I am trying to change that but not making much progress and don't really have a good plan of action.
mom,
i wish i knew how to stop it! i've gotten a little better lately,only because my husband is one of those the glass is full! no faulty upbringing, no neurosis (?) - some of that has rubbed off on me. he challenges me all the time to look on the bright side. i used to think - well, at least i'm not blind or deaf or in a wheelchair or whatever so be happy dammit! but i'm so easily stressed, melt down or blow up so readily that life has been more pain than joy. then the diagnosis, which was helpful and explained alot - but then comes the hard work. my psychologist says that we don't have to change, but she told me since i put a negative spin on everything and maybe 30% comes true - why not try and put a positive spin on everything and see if the odds come out the same or better. i'm trying - but like smoking - been going on so long- i'm entrenched. digging out is going slow and steady but lots of days i feel choked with the dirt. but......HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL....i believe it!
I am catastrophic in most of my thoughts. I guess it is related to anxiety more than depression but they sort of feel the same to me. Even yesterday I did challenge my thoughts but I didn't have all the facts so what I was thinking seemed to add up to my catastrophic conclusion. It's embarassing that I melt down like this but I can't seem to get a handle on it. My fear of "whatever" becomes so great it's paralysing. What can I do to stop this?
My husband may be having some insecurites Rose. He's a good man and doesn't deserve to be if that's what is happening. Even with all the issues we've had I still think he is a wonderful person and worth the effort. I do wish he had explained how he felt but he may have tried through complaints. The problem with this method is that when I am stressed I can't take on any more complaints so I can't process them correctly and I miss the underlying message. (I know these are codependent issues in some ways, but I think there are some things between spouses that are and should be codependent and it's not a bad thing) I wish I had been able to to give him the attention he needed and not have been so stressed. Now I'm left with hoping that I am able to be more attentive to a husband who deserves it.
you explain things so well! then, it's really a sweet gesture on both your parts, the only down side is maybe he is feeling a little insecure? ideally, he should have told you how he felt and then you wouldn't be in this position of feeling guilty. i hope that a part of marriage means that you are free to ask each other for anything or everything you want. you may not get it but it's ok to ask, if you can't feel free and comfortable with your spouse, who can you.....? sounds you like you're making huge progress! try not to catastrophize (my middle name) and relax
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