Wildcat,
Thank you for your insightful post and reading of mine. I agree that my social phobia is at the root of my depression. I only had a handful of sessions with my therapist (paid for and arranged by my employers - and I can't afford to pay for any more sessions myself) - we identified my social phobia and she suggested the starting of exercises (saying hello to strangers, deep breathing, relaxation techniques). My therapist's opinion was that I am nowhere near ready for any kind of groupwork, and at the moment I would just find it an added source of stress and panic. I can only agree. Also, it was suggested that I may have hitherto undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome - my youngest son is an 'aspie' and the similarities between us are sometimes striking.
I certainly agree that I suffer from panic attacks when faced with social situations, and they are getting more frequent and severe. If you are feeling brave, there's a piece of writing in my blog called 'Arise' which is a description/depiction of a panic attack I had recently whilst out at lunchtime from work. I haven't been to the panic centre, but I'll check it out. I'm aware that I'm harsh with myself, and lacking in compassion towards myself, but I'm the only person who really knows me, really understands me, and I know I don't deserve anything better. I have so little self-respect, so much cowardice and selfishness, so many petty, pathetic little secret compartments, that I'm not worthy of compassion. But I hang around this support site, looking for cheap sympathy, taking advantage of all you good people, and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop. I feel like the world's worst deceiver, hiding behind the anonymity of the web to portray my suffering but not revealing the endless parade of omissions, weakness, lies and shame that have caused it.
So it's not a lack of understanding which causes my harshness with myself, but too much understanding. This is empirical, based on evidence, not irrational or distorted thinking as I am trying to convince myself to believe.