Wanted to say thanks for giving me your perspective on this. I never thought he might get mean because he was scared. I always thought he was just mean! Might help me not fall to pices so much when he gets like that if I remind myself there is something behing the anger. I really do appreciate your point of you. Thanks again.
Glad my post could bring you some comfort. The feelings yuo speak of I know them well.And yes, you can get through this and it can get better.
Thank you for your support with me and my husband. And yes I am sticking with it! Oh and I think sheba's calendar idea is very good :)
I think your new attitude of focusing om your things and letting him do his is very wise. Might give that a try with my hubby. Bet you he would wonder what is up with me lol. I do try to focus on me and my things but I worry about his things constantly. such is the nature of anxiety hahaha. I think it is great that you are on the right track and that he is letting you know what he is doing :)
Anyway, feel very very tired atm so I will go. But I do hope to get more news from you soon!
Thank you again. I knew you would know how I feel. Not that I'm glad you do, it's not a great feeling by any means. However it it means that one day things will be better and I can feel good again, I'll bear with it. (I'm sure you know that feeling too)
I'm glad to hear that things are going much better for you and your hubby, stick with it. I need to use Sheba's advice about the calendar to help keep my husband informed. It's a good idea and with it out in plain sight he won't be able to say I had tried to be misleading with him (or think it)
Like I said things are quiet and I have stopped myself from allowing my mind to dream up negative things about him or the way he is acting. I've decided to only deal with my part and allow him to take care of his part. If I have something that is glaring and not something I'm making up with negative thoughts, I will deal head on. Otherwise I will continue to challenge my thoughts and do what is best for me. I understand about what you mean about shutting people out, I do that very well. I haven't shut him out (although I'd like to sometimes). I am just being more protective and concentrating on my actions rather than his. I find that I don't keep track of what he is doing and I'm not as bothered by it. I have my own things to keep me busy. (It's funny too because he's been making a point of letting me know what he's doing now instead of making me guess, so I must be on the right track of not making him feel I'm too demanding or whatever)\
Your husband sound like me when Im angry but really we'er scared I don't know whats with us men flying off the handle with the women we love,(our wifeves) If he is like me he's scared but wont admit it anger must be our dumb way of hidding,glad to here though that things worked out for you in the end ,all the best.
I am glad to hear things went well enough on the trip and that things are a bit better. I think you being protective of yourself and taking care of yourself right now is a good thing. Just remember not to shut people out! Sometimes I do that, shut people out. Worse part about that is I am the one ends up feeling alone...I digress...
I think it is good that you are voicing your feelings with him and am sorry if it is not having the results you would like. As for feeling hurt while you wait for him to realize stuff, I totally get it. Sometimes, when me and my hubby fight he gets all angry and mean and then there is no way to get anything resolved and it feels like he won't here me anymore. Then all I can do is wait until he calms down, thinks about thing and realizes stuff. Sometimes it tkes a while too. And the whole time it feels like I am walking around with my heart ripped out! When he says I need to respect that he needs some time to think about things, he is totally right. He has the right to have that time. It doesn'T mean that the wait is not painful for me... Anyway, just wanted to let you know I know how that feels. As for the I can't take this anymore feeling, I hear you! Been there!
I wish I had great advice for you. Me lately things have been better, not perfect but definetely better. All I did was the same thing as usual, I spoke to him till we were both blue in the face and listened to him till I just couldn't focus anymore. Not sure whar made the difference this time. I guess we were both ready to hear each other? Anyway, this marriage thing is tough huh? Hang in there, You are in my thoughts.
That's a good idea, and I'll try it and see if it works. I think I'll put a calendar back on the fridge so it's in plain site! Thanks again Sheba
Hi Diva,
Doing a little better now, we're back home now with our son. All went well without any arguments. I am being very protective of myself lately and plan to continue. I was not pleased with the way the conversation went the other night and I did voice that. I don't think that it will make much difference immediately, but after thinking about things away from his anger he is usually able to figure things out. I am stuck with the wounds until that happens however. Even though I know that I'm in "a process" and it will take time, sometimes it feels like there are a thousand knives protruding from my chest. Then I start to feel like "I don't know how much longer I can take this!" and I get very down. Once I calm myself I realize that the process is more important than a quick fix I'm better (not great, but better).
Thank you both for your replies. It helps to have opinions from others when I get so upset. It does help me think and not feel alone with my problems
As for the luggage.... ehm. Still working. I hope that all will came o the right track. Right now I don't know what to do first. And over all this I have some friends in here for the we. So today I was out all day! HEEEELP!!! I need 48 hrs days!
I understand completely why you are frustrated about this whole situation. I think I would be too. It sounds like he does not communicate much with you and that leads to some misunderstandings. I wish I could help you wih this and give you some tips but although my marriage is better this week I am no expert on the matter. All I can really say is take care of yourself, you deserve it. You are a great person and deserve the best. Hang in there, we are here for you.
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