Hiya Mom of 3,
Thank you for asking what is up with me and for letting me know you know how I feel. That means a lot to me, thanks. I am exhausted a this point and sad and just plain incapable of writting that much so I am just going to cut and paste what I wrote on The Panic Center here. Sorry for not rewritting, just so drained and exhausted. So here goes:
Me I am having a really bad day. It is that time of the month (sorry if too much info). I feel like eating my anxiety and sorrows away (which I know is a bad idea) which means I feel hungry non stop (my mind is good at telling my body it is hungry when it is not!). I feel sad and depressed. I am tired and aching.On top of it my husband is at it again. Funny how when I am angry I feel so much more anxious. Wonder what that is all about!
I had asked him to go to a matinée movie this weekend. Yesterday he said he wanted to clean so could we do it today. So I went to do the shopping with my mom to help out. He said he would do the dishes and a bit of laundry. Well, when I came home like 4 hours later, the dishes were not done nor was the laundry. So I had to do the laundry then the dishes before I could make supper...
Then he said today would be the movie and cleaning the carpets. Well up to now he has been playing all day. He said he had forgotten but that he had planned this game vent with his online friends all week! And he said he could not possibly let them down! So I said: Oh but it is ok to let me down? And he said well there are no movies I want to see anyway!...Then he did apologize and say he will be more careful (which is nice) but he is still doing this thing though. Been at it for 4 hours now. There goes my matinée! I am tired that his gaming comes before me.He says he doesn't want to do stuff with me as much as play cause I don't come up with fun things to do but even when I do try to find activities for us he doesn't want to. There are plenty of good movies out there! Feeling so sad atm. I hope he is more careful in the future like he said, but I don't know that he will be...
I feel trapped and achy and anxious and sad and angry and Urgh! Just another person having a bad day I guess!
Anyway, we have been fighting all day. He basically told me to go take a hike. So here I am yet again venting and whining...So tired! I hate my life atm I really do. I know it is silly to get so bent out of shape over just one thing but Urgh!
Theese days, I am having to deal with my work which I have no energy for, my house cleaning (which I have no energy for, my very old cat whom I love dearly doing quite poorly (afraid he might not have so long anymore, that scare the heckoutof me I love that cat!) and my husband, and this stupid depression/burn-out whatever it is! So sick of this atm! I HATe this!
I know I will end up successfully challenging my thoughts and I will fel better and I will see the good things in my life but atm I am just drained and devastated... So tired of fighting!
Thank you for listening. Looks like I ended up typing a whole bunch after all!
