EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Depression
Challenging Your Negative Thoughts
I need lots of help with this!!!

Advanced Search Form

I need lots of help with this!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

It's great that you are trying to challenge your negative thoughts. I think that is a great start. Keep it up and I'm sure you will notice a change. I'm sorry that things are going well with your husband, did you suggest couples therapy?

Stay strong, you will get through this.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Me again,

My husband & I had just gone through another of our talks when I wrote previously and my nerves were still a bit raw. I have been as up front as I can. I guess he understands and there was food for thought for both of us. Now that I've thought through the discussion a little bit, I guess it's not hopeless. It's still a long way from good and I'm not sure how much I can take - we do have things to work out. I just can't take that he's not the person he's always been. Life is hard and I know how I feel about the things we've been through, so I don't doubt it's affected him too. The biggest issue is that I feel blamed by him for it. I have pointed this out, but have no idea what he'll do with it.

I am challenging some of my negative thoughts and am better at it sometimes, not today obviously. I'm so wrapped up in my marriage problems that I can't think straight. I also feel trapped. I need to "get a grip" but I can't seem to grab hold of anything. I also miss my son who's with his Grandma until next Saturday. It can't come soon enough, he's what keeps me from falling completely apart, but I don't want him to know that because he doesn't deserve that burden. I just try to let him know I love him every chance I get, no matter what.

I hate being like this and I feel like all I do is whine, which my husband says is true "You're always upset about something".

I just don't know how to change it because I AM UPSET. How do I squash that down and "act normal" without shutting down?

Wow, I am a real downer today! I'm sorry about that.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi again,

I think I've been clear with him but he says he feels much the same as I do and I'm afraid to bring up counseling. If he says no then I'll be devastated.

I feel very unsettled and alone. Perhaps it will get better but I think there's alot that's up to him in alot of ways. He's going to need to get over whatever he's holding onto as a past offense and decide if he's willing to work to make it better.

If it happens I'll be happy, if not I have to know I did what I could.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Mom of 3,

Sounds like you are going hthrough a real tough patch. I am sorry to hear tht. Hang in there, this too shall pass!

I gree with Breanne about stopping to blame yourself! It sounds to me like you are trying hard and putting in the effort. The thing is a marriage is an entreprise that takes two people. You cannot fix it all on your won! And you cannot take all that weight on yourself alone. Be kind and patient to yourself. Mostly take good care of yourself regardless of what is going on in your marriage. You deserve TLC! I know...Easier said then done!

As for your husband, have you considered trying couple's therapy. I know me and mine are going to give it a try. Anyway, sorry I cannot be more helpful. I am no marriage expert!

We are here with you! Take care!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. I feel as if you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. If you are tired of it, then don't do it anymore! I know it is easier said than done, however if you make a conscious effort, perhaps you will be able to.

Have you talked to your husband about this? Do you two ever spend time together, alone? Do you have a date night?

Do you think it would be helpful?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Not doing so well right now. My husband and I have had a few discussions since. We seem to be at an impass. I am tired of taking all the blame for our problems. I feel punished and there's nothing I can do to make up for it or move on. I feel like my husband is bitter towards me for things beyond my control. I'm not getting any breaks and don't feel consideration on most occasions.

I sent him a text message saying that after the gym last night that I wasn't going home to an empty house so I was going somewhere to pass the time - he was going to his gym and then back to work to finish a project he's been working on.

He sent me a text saying the he's come home many times to an empty house when I worked late and if I didn't believe where he was to call him at work.

I am fed up with these responses! First off, he came home to our son, but our son is spending time with his grandmother so it truly is an empty house. Secondly, it seemed to me that he had to be late when he knew I wouldn't be and came home early when he knew I wouldn't be. When I read his text I realized that this is punishment.

My text explained the house is empty - no son. That I'm tired of being punished for things he didn't like - I GET IT. I've been trying to change things but nothing is good enough. That I didn't need to call him - all I asked was that he tell me when he is finished and I'd head home. I told him I did not want to fight, loved him but sad.

He called later, did not really address anything head on, just said when he expected to be home and wasn't confrontational. He said he decided to stay so he could finish. All I said was ok.

I can't bring myself to put out alot of effort right now I've said everything I can and feel very hurt

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Helo Mom of 3,

Sorry to hear things are so rough with your husband and glad to see you two are talking. I understand acting out on negative thoughts before you chalenge them. I get like that too.All the negative thoughts generate lots of negative emotions and then I am like a defective pressure cooker about to blow. There is hope though. I find myself more and more capable of dealing with theese thoughts and emotions and more and more capable of challenging them and waitng to act. The thought challenging has had a tremendous positive impact on my anxiety and I am working on using it for my depression and relationshps also. It is not perfect but I am getting better at it! As I said, am working on it lol Anyway, hang in there and please keep us posted.

-Diva

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Mom of 3,

First of all, I am so glad to hear that you had that talk with your husband. I know you two have been going through a lot, so it is great that you were able to talk and discover the issues that you both need to work on.

Secondly, in terms of acting on your thoughts before you challenge them, if your husband calls you, for example, and you feel like you are going to act on your thoughts, tell him you have to call him back. This is way easier said than done, however if you are feeling yourself getting worked up, you need to give yourself time to deal with your thoughts and challenge them before you can talk to someone else. Again, it is easier said than done, by give it a try.

Let us know how it goes.

Is there anybody else that has any hints on how to stop yourself from acting on thoughts before you challenge them?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I am glad to be of help.

You know, I have been picking myself up since nov 2005. Now with the ups and downs I have had recently, I am sure there is a world of life lessons you will be shaing to help me on the new cocktail!

see ya soon

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Gee Wildcat you are practiced at that! You lightened me up a little bit too with the rant that you wrote, it's ridiculous when I read it. However, it's pretty close to what I do! No wonder my husband is really irritated with it!

Thank you for your insight Wildcat

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

I need lots of help with this!!!