I suffer from Severe Reoccurring Major Depression. I have suffered with depression for many years now. With the worst of it in the last few years. Which amazingly enough is the best my life has been. I look back over the years and realize some of the things I have survived in my life. I amazed at the strength and courage I had then and now when I don't need to have that strength and courage I've slipped into the depths of depression I have never known, don't understand, and can't get a grip on. When there were times in my life I had no support no one to turn to. I dealt whatever hand I was dealt. Now I have so much support, loving husband, wonderful kids and yet I have no control. I ask myself every day why? Why now? Why me? Why can't I get it together? I was originally diagnosis "Depressed" in 2003 (even though I believe I battled it long before that). This was definitely one of the most horrible years I've experience. I was in the process of divorcing my husband of 10 years. Going from a wife who tried very hard and fought very hard to hold on to her marriage. My marriage was a living nightmare between the abuse, the lies, the drugs. I thought for years it would be better for the kids to have both parents together. Not to mention he promised daily he would change, life would be better. But it never did, he never did. I finally said enough when my son (at the time 3 years old) held his hands over his little ears and said "No more fighting mommy and daddy", I knew it was time. The hardest thing I did was break up our family. I was becoming a single mom of 3 kids (ages 10 to months). For the first time in my life I was going to be alone. 6 months later my step father was killed in an automobile accident. My life spun out of control. I was feeling grief, anger, resentment and that is only the tip of the iceburg. But I made it though, I made it through the games my ex played during the funeral, the games he played with my family pushing me out. The terrible hard time he gave me through the divorce because he didn't want it. Then for 2 1/2 years I took care of my children, I scraped every penny worked my tail off to provide for them. To keep a roof over their heads. But I did it. No help from anyone. It was the hardest thing in the world for me. Then I met an amazing wonderful man who truly made my life complete. I truly believe that God brought him into my life to save me. Life was wonderful. We began dating then after some time we move into together life was still very good. Even through these times I had ups and downs but dealt with them. Life was good. We got engaged in spring of 06. I had the wedding of my dreams. Everything I've ever wanted. It was so amazing. Then I began to slip. Each day I slipped more and more. Before you know it I am so far down in the depths of depression I can't even begin to see the light of day. In the beginning I was on Effexor for only a year. I didn't go back on anything til July 06 I went back on Effexor. But this time it didn't help. I went to the Dr. in April 07 at the time my regular Dr. was out so I saw the fill in Dr. At that time he felt I was Bipolar after asking me a series of questions. From April 07 to July 07 I was on 6 different medications. Nothing was working and all the while I was slipping further and further away. I was placed on Lexapro in July and I stayed on it until Jan 24th when I attempted suicide by taking a bunch of pills. During these months I would stay up all night long, sleep all day long. I gained almost 80lbs. My moods got progressively worse day by day. When I took all the pills, my husband took me to the hospital and I was admitted for 6 days. We realized I was mis-diagnosis with the Bipolar. The whole time I was being treated for the wrong diagnosis. I actually was diagnosis with Reoccurring Severe Major Depression. We began several new meds. Since then