my md was :eg: he asked if I was again sleeping through the night, if the crazy elevator nightmares were back... NO no night mares. yes sleeping through the night and half of my drive in and about 4 power naps a week... and a good sleep the week-end afternoons... Then he asked me about the agressive episode. No More like my blip on Thursday (thank a couple saints).
So I have 150 effexor and 25 seroquel for at LEAST 1 year more. BYE.
and he was ahead of his appointments. How not satifying was that?
Then there was the psychologist ... she drove across a desert with me dragging behind her vehicule and she stopped for water and started the race again! So we talked.. about how my self help group is very much like me. Lots of novice bipolars and precious little experience. And was danced around till she asked WHO DO I WANT TO BE. WHO AM I!!! well that started the flood
I have no idea. so I started with the sum of my parts... I am more than, workers, mom, wife, person, etc. i am . I am the goals I set up for my self. i am the hobbies, the art, the sum of a body of knowledge and the sum of a body of works...
i discovered through this that I live from one challenge to the next and never appreciate the results... i have this answer what is the next? I NEVER live in the present moment. It hurt to admit all this! I admitted to being bored and unsatisfied with MY life - work husband, children, hobbies, and the whole kit- Worthless!!!only the attainment of the next prize is what matters! I want serenity. I want zen. Ti attain these I must learn to deal in the right here - right now.
also I have to move beyound this "me" I have to learn thatI do not go to therapie to spew out the right answers.... I am there to learn what patterns are wrrrrrrrrrrong and how to fix them.