Oh gosh. I think I do remember reading that you were in the health profession, but I had forgotten. I can understand how that must feel. Imagine sitting through a mental health nursing class and listening to them talk/lecture about....well..you. Only they just don't know it.
I've had to come to terms with that, too. Not in the same way as you, I'm sure. I don't mind telling people that I have allergies, asthma, etc and even depression. But the moment you say "bipolar" you get funny looks.
Oh, and I know two other people in my nursing classes that were also diagnosed from depression to BPD type 2 since nursing school has started 15 months ago. We're all falling apart. lol.
I've always had mood swings, and not matter what SSRI they put me on, I'd have panic/anxiety attacks, get hypomanic, be okay, and then fall again. This has been going on for that last 4 years. I finally put it together in my head this year and forcefully told a therapist that, "I AM NOT OKAY!" and that's when I got the attention of my psych, who after an intensive outpatient program tentatvily diagnosed me as BPD Type 2.
SO, I haven't had a chance to try many meds, yet. However, I was on Lexapro when this all happened (it wasn't working anymore), so they added Lamictal to that which works for anxiety/panic/mood swings/hypomania and also has antidepressent effects. This drug is AMAZING. I loved it. I was a bit sleepy for about two weeks, then I was fine and loving it! However, 10% of the people on Lamictal get a rash, and a few of those rashes can be fatal. Surprise! I got a rash, so off I went in a hurry. The comedown was awful for me. I got the most manic I have ever been and had to go to the hospital.
I've also been on Depakote and Topamax. Both gave me panic attacks. (I think that's my body's favorite side effect!)
NOW, my pysch has d/c-ed my Lexapro/Lamictal and I'm on Effexor. This med works on Seritonin, Norepinephrine and a tiny bit of Dopamine if you're lucky. And those last two neurotransmitters are the ones that the mood stabilizers work on. SO, they're hoping that Effexor alone will work for me. So far, I've been fine...still depressed, probably bout 5/10, but the Effexor isn't even near as high as it could/should be. You have to wean on/off it.
A major s