I've been struggling with depression for a very long time too. There have been many times when I've felt tired of fighting it. It helps for me to reflect on times when I haven't been as depressed; that allows me to see that my darkest moods aren't permanent.
As for therapy, I know it can be difficult. After seeing my therapist for over 3 years I finally decided to tackle my phobia. So, over the past 6 months I've been in intense treatment to overcome a phobia I've had since childhood. My fear was so intense that I cried the first couple of times I did a progressive muscle relaxation exercise she wanted me to do. I cried because I knew the exercise was one of the first steps in confronting my phobia and I didn't believe I could face the next steps. But after a while I was able to concentrate on relaxing rather than my phobia; it took practice. It was a medical phobia. I've been phobic of doctors and med exams since childhood, but in my early 20's I forced myself to see a gynaecologist. The doctor was so horrible I couldn't see another doctor for years...and my pap smear came back abnormal. I lived with the fear I had cervical cancer for over a decade, but the phobia was so intense I couldn't go back to see a doctor (any doctor).
One of my first exposure therapy exercises was to read information from a webpage describing a typical exam. When I first read it aloud in my therapists office I hyperventilated (so much for the breathing exercises!) I took home a copy and was suppose to read it over and over again for at least a half hour every day. Then my therapist found me a sympathetic doctor who would be willing to work with me and she scheduled my appointment. When I received the email from my therapist with the doctor's name and my appointment date/time I stared at that email for over an hour before I could reply and say I'd go. The appointment was two weeks away and I didn't know if I'd be able to do any more than just meet with the doctor. I took lots of valium during that time too! Every step of the way I didn't think I'd could get through it. But on the day of the appointment I felt ready to try and get everything done...a full exam, a tetanus shot and a blood draw. I'd never had a blood draw in my life (I'm 32) and was terrified of g