Conquering a medical phobia
For the past 6 months my therapist and I have concentrated almost exlusively on tackling my phobia of medical procedures, doctors, needles, etc. I was a long, difficult process, but last week I saw a doctor--had a gynecological exam, a tetanus shot and my first blood draw.
Now I KNOW I do have hypothyroidism, but otherwise healthy! I've wanted to know that for a long time (and so have my psychiatrists). I'll be starting the meds soon and I'm wonding how much of an effect it will have on my depression.
This phobia has contributed to my depression because I loathed myself for my cowardice, obsessively worried every day about my health and had tremendous anxiety about trying to go to a doctor. In an attempt to avoid that anxiety I'd try to distract myself with novels, computer games, surfing the net, tv--none of which is productive. Then I'd hate myself for not getting more done during the day.
It is hard to describe how I feel now I've faced my phobia. I'm proud of myself, a little stunned I'm through it, and most of my anxiety is gone. I also feel as if the part of my brain that was devoted to obsessing about it is now quiet...empty...and free. It is a very odd feeling.
Isil'zha veni
