Hello Szeyuet, ladyblue42 and pinks and blues... I am in a way staggered and yet relieved to find people who experience the same emotions and ups and downs in life, just as I do.. Thank you all for your responses. Firstly, Szeyuet, I definitely believe that for me, it is the strength in Belief in God which will help me on my way. It may be different for everyone else in this world, but I can only speak for myself and say that my happiest moments have come, when I feel closest to him... I understand your questions, no matter how complicated they may seem.. I think what really matters, is imprinting religion in one's heart and not on one's lips. For me, this was the problem and still is the problem. It also hurts me to see the world putting religion upon sword edges or gun barrels... I have asked many questions of life, although I am still 23 yrs old and still "naive"... But I have learned that to ask questions, it is important to first have a "pole" to aim at and push oneself in that direction... Life is probably much simpler than we think.. For that, I sometimes look at people who demonstrate no religious actions before my eyes, yet seem to glide through life in enjoyment, not suppressing any emotion or opinion whatsoever... Dear Ladyblue 42 It doesn't sound egoistical at all. You should not be scared of enjoying your talents :) These questions in your mind are probably never going to leave you alone. I have had them since I have known myself.. I only recently discovered that I had to answer them once in a while, in a convincing way. So I started writing poetry.. I was baffled by the things I had written down. I have written many short pieces, answering the thoughts in my mind. Perhaps you know yourself better, that Einstein himself developed the Theory of Relativity at his desk in a Patent Office, in Switzerland.. He was said to have followed his mind and answered his questions.. You know what, I too want to believe I am special and then overly-criticise myself, sometimes to depression, for being stupid.. I found what helped me was simply acting as though every single person that I met was a King or a Queen i.e. they were the most special person in the world..and funnily enough, they responded in the same way... I am am

Hi umut I totally know what you're talking about in thinking that everyone is judging you. I've been trying to work out that issue in therapy for some time now. I still havent lost the idea that everyone who looks at me is casting judgement upon me-- they either think Im great or think I'm a horrible person... and sense I'm rather pessimistic I lean towards thinking that most people snap judge me as a bad person. So i guess i keep on trying to reach out to people by trying to make me like them by making them baked goods or offering them rides or little things like that... bribe them to like me i guess? But anyways, its this obsessive paranoia that people are talking about me that contributes to my ongoing depression. The feeling that no one truly likes me ,that they might lie and say how wonderful I am but that if I listen to them then I am lying to myself. Im not that great.But im slowly trying to overcome it. Good luck to you with it!

I hope this doesn't sound egotistical but I have always believed that when one is blessed with great gifts, there seems to a price to to be paid. I am a very intelligent person. I know this because I've taken those tests and have an IQ that is well (well) above average (whatever that means). I understand complex principles very easily and am interested in a wide variety of topics ranging from philosophy to quantum physics. However, I have a brain that will not shut off, not even when I am asleep. I am constantly filled with questions, why? how? I scrutinize myself in such a critical way that I can never measure up and no matter how many people tell me how creative or "good" I am, deep inside I know it's not true.I am so affected by the tragedies in this world that I find myself shutting off my feelings, if I don't, there are days when I would literally never stop crying. I want to feel like I'm special, like I have a purpose and then I chide myself for being selfish. Before I get one of those messages, I am in therapy and on meds, I have been diagnosed with dysthemia, recurrent and chronic major depression, and generalized anxiety disorder with mild agoraphobia, so I don't need to take any more tests. No offense intended. I can relate so much to what everyone on this thread is saying. I also hate small talk. I want to connect with other people but just can't seem to find my way to them. I also am the one everyone goes to when they are feeling down or need advice then when things are going OK in their lives, I never hear from them. I know other people who would say they are my friends but it is always on their terms and according to their own schedules. My doctor says I need to reach out, to get more involved with the world but I've been hurt so many times I don't know how to do that. Last night I was on a chat room for people with depression and was having a discussion with two others who seemed to have similar feelings. We were basically told by several others in the chat room that we were being too depressing! Imagine that! Sometime I don't know where to go or what to do. It is so frustrating being like this. But I've been at this long enough to know that if I'm patient, the worst feelings will die down for a little while. They al

Hi everyone, Not sure if this thread is still alive, but i found the topic is rather interesting and want to put down some thoughts here. Especially about the part of asking questions. I am too a person who find myself asking too many questions, but getting too few answers. But i guess when tracking down to the roots of questions we've been asking, we might come back to few core ones, inclusive of the one above: does true happiness exist? If it exist, am i one to deserve to find it? I believe only the divine would know the reply or is there really a divine? Then it will lead to more questions. Well, at this point, can't help but choose to believe in the power of the divine. Because through believing in the existence of the divine, only can we sleep peacefully in the night, find hope springs in the day. I particularly like the idea that someone stated: life is about asking questions and seeking answers. so guess it's really nothing wrong with asking, though we keep falling short of answers. so we shall not be depress by asking. In fact, depression, i believe, has nothing to do with asking. We can ask either happily or sadly. When we don't get our answers, we can be confused. we can be hopelessly confused, yet still be happily confused or depressingly confused. Sounds more like madness? But even then, one can even be heppy amist madness. Isn't happiness kind of madness too? :) Ok, i think we are getting nowhere here. And i don't even intend to get any conclusion out of this, just kinda like to twists my words and share some thoughts for the sake of it. Thanks.

Unrequited, Thank you very much for your heartfelt response. It really is very interesting that the things you are describing apply to me also. Especially in that when people assume I am of lower intellect, my self-esteem is also affected. I believe that every person has an area of intellect, which may be unique to them and I always thank god for making me successful in my studies this far. But, despite my achievements, I have often been treated as a fool and the worst part of it is that, I have tried to be nice to everyone and thus have ended up passively accepting such attitudes. I do think too much and I must, since a very age, I have been asking questions about everything. I discovered love for humanity a few years ago and then lost it again. That is what really hurts me. Then, I could have shown mercy to my own mother's murderer, but now, I am not so strong. You are right. Faith is the key. But I believe that faith starts by appreciating the material and non-material things around us. We need to enjoy those as much as we can, without jeopardising our faith. I think that this is the toughest trick in life and yet one, which may reap the greatest rewards. I hope I am able to achieve this. thank you once again for your response and all the best to you too...

Umut; I found your notes very interesting. You raised many subjects that I have felt also. I also hate it when I see the imperfections in others, and perhaps we see it more clearly when we are hiding the same problems inside ourselves. That's what one book I read said. Often sensitive intelligent people cannot understand why there are such problems communicating with others. I have also read that if you are in a personality or intelligence group which is much different than the average, it can give you those feelings too. I feel the same way; sometimes I think people think that I am a devil, and sometimes I feel like I am a prophet. It may be that we have the same personality type. Since I have been on medications for depression and anxiety, I do not have the mood swings you are describing from great happiness to rage. Some of my friends think I am very stupid, and others think I am very smart. I know I am not stupid, but when people assume that I am because I think differently than they do, it also hurts my self-esteem. It also cripples my confidence as well, but, motivation to keep moving along in our lives really must be based on something higher than ourselves. I hate fake people too, even if they are polite or kind. You say you hate people talking rubbish, well maybe you feel the way I do, that I hate small talk about unimportant things, but the problem is that most socialising is carried out on that level. My husband is very good at small talk, so if it wasn't for him, I would be lost most of the time. I too end up helping others, or at least I did in the past, with their secrets and problems, and they would always come to me and my husband; but I think I kind of got burnt out doing it, and like you said, I hardly ever get back what I am giving out to others. But that is another lesson from the past,...is there not more happiness in giving than in receiving? One big difference between us is, that I have not given up on all the "beautiful stories", as you put it. If I did give them up, there would really be no point to living. Because the world as it exists today is hopeless. There has to be a supreme being who cares about what is right, and whose promises will come true for a better future. Otherwise there would be no meaning to life.

Hi Densam, Thank you very much for your honest response. I really appreciate it. I also appreciate that you have experienced a lot more than I have already done. I think you are right, that life may be about looking for answers. I think I need to improve my own spiritual state, before I look at the rest of the world. I need to think about what it is I want to do. Thank you once again for hearing me out. It means so much to me. Umut

Dear Umut How I can relate to what you are saying. I would not know whether you know where these feelings come from, but I don't know where mine comes from. I used to see things being done wrong to people and it would put me in a state of depression or isolation for days. I was never able to see why some people are hurt and why there are wars, and why there are deaths of children. I still cannot see why it is, but I have trained myself to not take it so personally. I am not saying that I do not feel bad when I see this, but I do not allow myself to go into depression because of this. If truth be told, I think a lot of people (like you say, muslim, christian, hindu, atheists) feels like this. I have to be honest being of a Christian upbringing and being told that we would go to hell if this or that, I was never able to understand why then there is so much bad in the world. My faith was in some way very much contradicting. (White South African, taught in church to believe in Apartheid etc.) It took me twelve years to see that they are not always right, but they have left "scars" that does not heal easily. About being truly happy. I do not believe there are many people who are truly happy all the time. I do not think this completely possible. I do think there are people who are contempt with whatever happens. I suppose this is fine, but it is like they are not really seeing the situations for what they are, or this is their defence mechanism to deal with hardships. I suppose in the end is boils down to building up defence mechanisms to deal with life. I don't really know. What I do know however, is that I want to feel my emotions. If I am happy I tell people I am. If I am sad, I avoid people but I will go and cry about whatever it is, until I feel better. You have a lot of questions Umut. I am 37 now and am still struggling to find answers. Maybe that is what life is about. Finding answers. This site is a great site to look for some answers. Good luck, hope to hear from you soon.

Imdownhere, You have come to the right place! Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. This may help assess the situation better. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Our site is full of amazing individuals who are here to listen, help and support. Please feel free to post at anytime. Keep Strong, Josie __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team This message was edited by Josie on 3-1-05 @ 10:37 PM

hi there, i'm new too. i've been in bed for two days, two work days, and finally ran myself through a shower. does anyone else do this? I did stay up all night watching shrek, and little women, and any wholesome happy movie I could find. And stuffing my face of course. I'm ashamed of this, but it is easier to say when no one knows you. This isn't who I want to be. Does anyone else do this? It's a rollercoaster