Hi Scarred
I'm 20, and in my third year of college, and I know exactly how you feel. I have had similar experiences with bad counselors and such, and it is a problem, and one I find inexcusable.
Just to answer some of your questions though, everything you tell them will be kept confidential. The cutting, the drugs, everything. The only thing they will notify anyone about is if you are seriously planning on attempting suicide.
My story is similar to yours, and I am afraid that you may be on the path to suicide. I recently tried to take my life, and it is a sad thing. No one wants you to die. I don't want you to die. Happiness is a hard thing, but I think it may be attainable.
I had never been on any medications until 3 weeks ago, and now I am on 2; Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. I will give you some info on them, as far as my experience goes (and not everyone's experience is the same). My first 2 weeks on them were very very difficult. They made me feel sick to my stomach, and they gave me a headache, and they made me really really really sleepy. I am still sleepy, but it is getting better. This last week on them has been good though. I have energy again, and I am attempting at becoming a good student once again. I can't tell if there has been any significant improvement on my mood, but my psychiatrist (who is the only one who can prescribe you medicin, not a psychologist) thinks she sees some improvement. I think the medication is worth a try. There is some discomfort, but think of the mental anguish we go through. What would you do to be done with it?
Also, just some tips on how to get the most out of your therapy. #1 is be very very honest. They are not there to judge you, only help you. The one's who yelled at you before were total idiots, and should not be in the field. #2 be peresistant. It might seem at first that they are reluctant to help you, but if you BE HONEST and tell them about the cutting and suicidal thoughts and whatever else, they will be more willing to help than if you just sat "I'm feeling sad, and I have for a while". (that is all I used to say, and saying that will get you a pat on the head, but not much more).#3 Make sure you find good people, or at least do your best to. This can be hard sometimes, but it can be done.
I wish