Hi Anne Marie Thanks for giving me some perspective on stuff...I know I haven't had that lately. Thanks for giving me some hope that people get better. I will try to ease up on my expectations for a while. Today I offered to volunteer at a nursing home. I thought it might help if I tried to get out of my own head for a while. At least I can try to help someone else. Thanks again for your reply and the hug.

Hi. In reply to your question, I do know that his setbacks came when he changed his dosages on his own, or omitted some on his own whim, for whatever reason he thought he had at the time. Then everything would go out of chemical whack for him. I call those his dark days. But as he began to work *with* his therapist, he began to improve and began to report small breakthroughs, one after the other. He still takes meds, and he hasn't discussed his problems in quite a while. I do know that he's dealing with life from a much happier perspective now and he he's apparently begun to laugh and have some fun. I hear from him about once a week. I don't want to compare him to you. I only mentioned him to show that people can improve and feel relatively happy. Please don't be impatient with your progress. Sometimes when you discuss things with your therapist, it might feel like a setback to you. Because events and topics are being put back on the desk to be examined, it may be painful or difficult, but it may not be a setback. I'm sure it hurts still and feels raw to some degree, but you have already built up some strengths. As you work through this, (and it seems that it's what you're trying hard to do,) you will begin to see little improvements, one at a time, as you work towards balance and happiness. When you have a heavy load, I'm sure it seems overwhelming. Other victims of abuse have moved forward, though moving through it has not always been pain free and easy. I'm sure that therapy can make a positive difference. It just doesn't all come together all at once. Be patient with yourself and your therapist. Know you're not alone in facing this. I don't have all the answers about trust and defense. I know that in my own life, I try not to raise my expectations beyond what is reasonable because for me to do so would take too much energy. We need some barriers though. People are people and they come in all forms. Some are dishonest, some lie, some are mean. Some people will take advantage of others if they can, like a dishonest repairman or a dishonest vendor, a thief. Those kinds of people do exist out there, so as consumers and citizens we have to question and make smart decisions when it's important, and exercise a certai

Anne-Marie Thanks for the hug. I needed it. Also thanks for having this website and for helping so many people. I hope you don't mind if I ask a few questions about your friend. You said that he has been dealing with this for 15 years. Do you know how long it took him to not feel hopeless and miserable. Do you know if he managed to get rid of the flashbacks and intrusive memories or do you know how he did it or how long it took. Were there certain things that helped more than others? Sorry for all the questions. I just worry about how long I can handle being like this. I don't even know who I am anymore. I decided at 11 years old that I would never let anyone take advantage of me or hurt me again, but here I am a huge mess just from memories. I hate feeling vulnerable and hopeless, it just isn't my style but here I am. I realize that since my decision I have led my life by ignoring all emotions and being hypervigilant and living my life as though there was constantly the threat of harm. I have no trust in people, I always look for ulterior motives and constantly assuming that danger will come my way. I don't even know how to be a regular person. I have been so busy reacting to life that I don't know how to live it or enjoy it. Sorry for all the questions and the rambling. I appreciate your help.

Hi. You have had some tough issues to deal with that are simply horrible. A victimized child is not to blame for the actions of an adult who misuses a position of trust and changes it into criminal behavior. As to whether it can get better for you, I have a friend who has been dealing with depression and PTSD for years, but as time passed, has in my opinion, become more functional, much more independent and happy. Sometimes the meds had to be adjusted and there were some setbacks and a couple of hospitalizations, but overall in fifteen years, I can see a huge change for the better. Therapy played a big part. You have the right to question things that were not ok in your past. Your therapist will help you with that. As for being able to put a label on your feelings at the moment, ask your therapist to help you with that also. Healing may seem slow at times and maybe frustrating, but you can reach a place where you feel more comfortable than you do now. Fight this in terms of "going for health" and being well. Take it one day at a time. I know it takes a lot of hard work, but please don't give up on the idea of getting well and improving. Here's a big ((hug))

I don't even know where to start. Please forgive me if I ramble on. My latest depression has been in full force for over a year now. I was hospitilized for a month in June. I am out now but still suffering. (I hope I don't come off as a big whiner, that is not usually my style but i feel hopeless now.) While I was in the hospital they tried every kind of drug on me. Most did nothing at all for me and some gave me really bad reactions (psychotic, hearing voices, etc.) I only sleep about 2 hours a night still. I have wicked dreams and flashbacks at night. I think I will go major nuts again if I can't get some sleep. While I was in the hospital they tried every kind of sleep remedy with no success. My psychiatrist says I have the highest tolerance to medications that he has seen. While in the hospital I was given a pill that I was told would knock out a 300 pound man for 24 hours. I woke up after two hours. Everyone was so shocked and the nurses even intimated that I might not have taken the pill. I am still at the trial and error stage with the meds. I am on effexor 150, wellbutrin 300, trazadone 300 and zyprexa 10mg. None of this is helping me. The zyprexa doesn't even help with sleep or the obsessive thoughts or the memory intrusions and flashbacks. I am so sad and depressed but I can't even cry. I think my emotional well has gone dry. My psychiatrist is a great guy and I really like him. However I really think that no one can help me. Can depression and post traumatic stress disorder be drug resistant? I am seeing a therapist for the ptsd and am having a hard time. The therapist is great and has helped me understand why I am behaving and thinking the way I am. She has helped me forgive my self for errors as a teen.....alcoholism, major drug abuse, reckless and self harming behaviour, etc. etc. However she keeps telling me that I need to explain my feelings to her. I just am unable to get it out what my feelings are. I don't even know myself. I grew up not being able to have feelings, opinions, rights, could not show any emotion, could not cry even while subject to physical and sexual abuse by father from 3-1/2 to 8 years old. I just don't even know what my