Painting was really therapeutic and I wanted to keep those good endorphine feelings going. So, I got my Dad to go to the free gym at my apt. complex with me. We did upper body and cardio for 45 minutes and I feel fantastic! I feel happy and I have a ton of energy. Good kind of energy not anxiety. So, we're going to continue going to the gym. I also want to continue going to painting classes. It's wonderful! I got two more great books: "Start Where You Are: A Journal For Self-Exploration", by Meera Lee Patel. It's fantastic! It has positive quotes and statements and thought provoking questions. I can't wait to sit outside at the coffee shop and start it! I think I will have insight into passions I've never considered. I can't wait to see what I'll come up with. Also, "Very Good Lives", by J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter Author). She lost it all and had nothing and look where she ended up! Not that everyone is going to become a famous Author BUT, I'm looking forward to reading her valuable lessons that she learned. It may spark something. And, it will be encouraging to say the least! I'm starting to find things I enjoy doing and I'm focusing on me. And, it doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I haven't thought about dating while I'm living in the present moment. Also, in our Tool Box on this site, there is a section on Role Transition that is fantastic! When you write the pros and cons of being single or being in a relationship, it really balances out the extreme thoughts. Initially, you think it's all bad being single but, it's not! I have freedom, I don't have to answer to anyone. I can do the things I enjoy doing, I don't have to compromise, etc. The list of positives is huge! I've never looked at it like this before. I've never looked at the positive side of it. So, I'm enjoying life and I'm proud of picking myself up and helping myself, even when there was no one to help me. I'm strong! Oh! I, also, picked up a wine charm at The Winey Wench Painting Class. It spoke to me. It was a key. It reminds me that I have the key to open every door that I want. Everything I need is within me! Fear kept me in an abusive relationship and I believed the lies. I didn't know that I had the key to my self-imposed prison. But, once I realized that, I freed myself and you can too! It's hard, it's stressful, it's not fun at all. But, when you do it and you can look back, you will be amazed at what you CAN do. You can only do it for yourself. No one else can do it for you. I encourage you that you can do this! I'll tell you why. Because, when I first came here, I had Agoraphobia, I couldn't drive ten minutes down the road with out epic panic attacks and I had panic attacks in the shower. It was interfering with my life. I went through this program and three years later, I flew around the world by myself. I used to be afraid to fly but, I flew 35 hours in within a ten day period. I was in a foreign country and didn't know the language and it was the greatest experience of my life! The good that came out of it was that I was fearless for two years afterward. Which brings me to the conclusion that practicing CBT coping skills is something that needs to be continued throughout life. When I stopped practicing replacing negative with positive truthful thoughts and believing them, fear creeps back. And, then I got sucker punched when my Mom died and I relocated. Now, I'm gaining control of my thoughts again and it's easier this time than it was the last time. I read a grief pamphlet that said there is nothing wrong with me. What's wrong is someone that I loved has died. Be kind to yourself and patient and persevere. We're all in this together and you are not alone even if you feel you are. I'll keep posting my progress. Keep going! You've got this!