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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Here it is 8:00 pm and I have just put an apple pie in the oven. I bought vanilla ice cream to go with it. My days are usually like this. It takes all day to get anything done with my Arthritis. Today it was because I washed floors too and made a lamb stew and went to the store too. I have enough frozen apple pieces to make twenty or more pies still. When I planted the trees 18 years ago I never knew I would have so many apples that I would be giving them away. I have raspberries in the freezer too.

One of my roses is sticking out of the snow. It might not survive if it gets cold again. What will be will be. Almost time to start Petunias in the house. they need ten weeks before they go out.

A good day despite my neck being very sore.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

When My Dad died I felt like I had been cheated. I gave up my life and everything I liked to get him a home to retire at. A complete change. I went from a cabin on a lake to a trailer to an apartment. Everything I hated. I was left in a city and he was buried with his parents in a different province even. I did it all for him and he died. I hated my job.

I threw it all away and started over again. I threw body and soul into building a farm with nothing but a piece of raw land. My neighbour shot my dog, and one of my cats. My wife got tired of me working all the time and left after she talked me into buying that piece of land she didn't really want. Easy come easy go for some people. I couldn't stand the place after that so I traded it and started over again. This time with just a cat and my equipment. Long hours and a dangerous job that paid well. Too busy and too tired to think about my loss and slowly it all came together. Time heals all. Then came the first panic attack. I'd always suffered from anxiety but this was different. Uncontrolled. I wish I had of known then what I know now. It could have saved me ten years of horrible panic attacks. I know now why it happened and I know now it could have been prevented if only then I would have known why. Knowledge is power. I still have the same triggers, they just don't do the same thing. They are harmless. It took changing some core beliefs but I'm fine now. I just lost ten years to fear. Never again is this going to happen. It is gone for good. Life is good even if I'm too crippled to amount to anything anymore. It doesn't matter. I'm happy. I deserve to be. Sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can be determined enough and when I hit bottom I hit hard. I must have tried everything useless before figuring out what I was doing wrong. A whole bunch of little things keeping me from getting better. All in the past, and best forgot.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

To keep the pizza dough from getting soggy with things like tomato or pineapple I use Italian tomato paste with herbs and garlic instead of sauce. Lightly oil the edge with olive oil if you don't want it crunchy or the paste to turn black. I dry pineapple and tomatoes with paper towel. Better to buy meat bulk and slice it. Sliced is too thin and dries out too much. Home made is a lot better than store bought but it is more expensive and fattening.

Davit.

If the crust is gooey you can cook it five minutes or so before using it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I did make what seems to be a perfect pizza crust today, but didn't add toppings. It's thin, and I measured the ingredients perfectly. Maybe baking is a way of achieving control, since so much of my life seems to have collapsed after mom's death. I still can't believe it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

One of those really nice mornings. Very calm. The sun is shining on the mountains and there are a few clouds. Remember that old saying about March, in like a lamb out like a lion. That doesn't really work here but it looks like March is going to come in like a lamb. That means a long spring if it did work that way. Going to melt again today.

The snow is getting that collapsed look. Crisp on top soft in the centre like bread. It gets quite cold at night but still starts to melt before noon. Right now a person could walk on the snow.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

So much time has gone by since I had an uncontrolled panic attack. The kind with terror as the main symptom. That was amazingly over five years ago. Since then I have had a few but even though all the symptoms are there, how can they not be, the episode is coded in memory, the terror is not. When they happen because I have skated to close to the negative, now they are just facts, like saying my car is white. Don't get me wrong they are real but only as facts. They go real fast. So what they are is panic, not panic attacks. They are there only because I accessed the code for them by searching ways to explain why they happen. How could I write a book on panic attacks without looking at negative thoughts to explain them. How could I Email people explanations without bringing the negative to the surface. This is called vicarious and I was warned it would happen. And it does but it is in no way as bad as an uncontrolled panic attack. And the difference between this and what you have is only how we see them. Both come out of our memory. Both are self inflicted. But mine don't have to be there. I could never again come to this site or explain something by Email or on the phone or over coffee in a restaurant. I could never again have panic by going about with no thoughts that are not positive. So it is not that I am not recovered (cured) but because I have skated to close to the negative, and that is my choice and will be yours too. It is only exposure it doesn't last and in no way is it panic attacks coming back.

But it is still a nuisance I would gladly do with out and maybe in the future they won't happen anymore. Till then I will continue to do what I do and accept the odd bad night like last night. It never lasts more than one night in a row.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I've seen the mixer on youtube, and it looks impressive. I'll bet the breakmaker uses a lot of power too, and it took 2 hours for the cycle, so that seemed excessive, but the bread was fine, and it was my first try with pizza dough. I wonder if I'm going to grow a wheat belly?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

To freeze cauliflower as itself, section it into small pieces and microwave just till it feels hot to the touch without any more water than you used to wash it. Usually less than 30 seconds. Package and freeze immediately. Conventional blanching turns it to mush in the freezer. Microwave blanching leaves it crisp when you thaw it. It should keep for months. I'm eating stuff that has been in the freezer for five months. I like it boiled with a cheese sauce. Do not try to cook it in the microwave but boil it instead. Microwave shrinks the fibres and makes it tough. Celery, onions and peppers don't need blanching, potatoes only freeze as mashed. Carrots and beans should be cooked first. Celery and onions and garlic must be cut up first. Mushrooms don't freeze except in cooked dishes. Best to add after.

If you want to make good bread throw away the bread maker and buy a kitchen aid mixer, you will never regret it. Mine is over ten years old and has made thousands of cakes cookies and of course bread. Excellent for whipped egg whites and whipped cream and whipped eggs in my latest cake recipe. But it really shines making bread.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

The bread didn't rise, but I just eat it anyway, since it's like flatbread. Today I tried cauliflower soup, and froze 3 bags, so the other can be had within the shelf life of 4 days safely. I found a recipe for scrambled eggs in the oven, and can freeze some, but I'm afraid it might end up being rubbery. Some convenience is good, since I feel out of it with mom away.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Bread flour is made out of hard red wheat. It has more gluten. Yeast uses sugar to make carbon dioxide bubbles. Increasing either only increases the speed it rises. Too much and you get alcohol also and that kills the yeast and makes the bread gooey and taste sour. Store bought beer is pasteurized and the yeast is dead, it is only for flavour. Carbon dioxide is added to very cold beer so it stays in till it is capped. The same with sparkling wine. Natural carbonated bubbles are smaller. Salt slows down the yeast and the bread has more even smaller bubbles. It isn't necessary. Eggs and milk are for texture. You need more flour if you add an egg so the loaves are bigger or denser. Too much bran cuts the gluten strands so you need more yeast. Sift out some and make bran muffins with it.

Rained a bit today. Nice day still.

Davit

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