My name is Julie and this is my first post here.  I'm 46, married, a mother of 2, and a registered nurse.  Back when I was 18-20, I had some issues with anxiety and panic attacks.  Over that two years, I learned on my own how to deal with the attacks, talk myself down, and never had one again.  Until now ugh!  My new onset of panic attacks started almost one year ago.  I was on my way to work and felt kind of jittery/nervous, and thought it was from my coffee (1 cup/day for 25 years with no prob) or maybe I needed to eat.  After 10 minutes at work, it turned into the absolute worst panic attack of my life.  At the time, I was convinced I was having a stroke, a heart attack, a brain aneurysm,  or something else that was going to kill me.  Needless to say, I ended up in the ER, where they diagnosed me with having a panic attack.  I did not believe them at all.  After that experience, I continued to have attacks randomly (no trigger that I'm aware of) maybe once every two weeks or so.  I was prescribed Ativan, took it when I had one, and eventually it would go away.  For the past 4 months or so, I'm having attacks more frequently.  Mostly at work, but honestly they happen so randomly, that I don't think there is a real trigger.  I could be sitting quietly at home watching tv, driving, cooking, etc.  Now I'm having them daily, and taking the Ativan daily.  It really bothers me that I'm having to depend on medication to get through these episodes, but they are so scary and I just feel I have to.  I consider myself a strong, independent person.  I know I'm kind of a control freak, a bit OCD, and easily stressed out, but I've always been that way and seem to function just fine.  And I love my job, have a wonderful supportive husband, and am surrounded by family and good friends.  I'm so frustrated and annoyed by these panic attacks.  I just feel like they are so dumb and a waste of my time.  Why can't they just stop?  Why am I not strong enough to overcome them like I did before?  I don't want to waste my time/life being scared.  But when I'm in the middle of an attack, which can last hours, I am so unbelievably petrified, out of my mind, and convinced I'm going to die.  When out of an attack, I know that it's not true.  I'm just so mad that I'm having to deal with something that I shouldn't have to.  I just want my life back!  I just don't know how to do that.  I've finally made an appointment with a therapist, and I'm hoping this program along with that will help me.  It's really draining me, and I'm getting very discouraged.  Tired of always talking about it and tired of being scared :(