Hello all,

I started searching online support groups for panic disorder because of one of my classes, I read how helpful they are and can really help people who suffer from a variety of disorders. 

I had my first panic attack in 5th grade but I was able to control them by 7th grade by distracting myself. From then on, I only had one a month that was not severe. Currently, I am in graduate school for school psychology and also working full time as a 2nd grade teacher. Recently my panic attacks have become more aggressive and happen more often. I knew that my panic was getting bad when I went into a restaurant and asked them to call an ambulance because I thought I was having a heart attack. I am a healthy looking female in my early 20's so the restaurant staff told me that I was having a panic attack and to breath into a bag. I of course insisted and an ambulance was called. After this, I was embarrassed to even go into a franchise of this business . Wow, as I write this I feel my panic dissipating. After this incident, I went to see the doctor to make sure that I was 'okay.' They prescribed me anti-depressants which I decided not to take because of the side effects (also because I wasn't in a current state of panic). Because of school and work, there are not any therapists available for me to try therapy. I know therapy is a better long term solution to my problem not drugs. I exercise frequently which help majorly but it seems to only be a temporary solution. 

          My panic attacks now last hours and are getting worse. I cannot go to sleep without having a panic attack. Yesterday, I ran into the urgent care, again thinking that I was dying from a heart attack. The only person who knows that my panic attacks are this severe is my boyfriend. It is hard to confess all the thoughts that I am having during a panic attack because they are crazy. I am afraid to talk to my mom about it because I know she would say to quit graduate school and dump my boyfriend. In addition, she also used to have panic attacks herself and doesn't believe that counseling works on them so I feel like she wouldn't support me. 

          The biggest symptom that I deal with is being unable to breathe. I think about my breathing and believe that I am going to just randomly stop breathing and die. I also believe that my heart it going to stop. I can no longer distract myself to stop the panic attack. I feel psychotic every time I think about these symptoms. I know that I am afraid of dying and need to learn how to cope with this fact but it is hard. Now that they are getting severe, I more consider taking those anti-depressants because I have no idea what to do, I am desperate for help. I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I want to enjoy life.

Sorry for the long post but I felt better after writing it.