Hi, my name is Tony and I'm 47.
I'm really glad I've found this site and group, and hoping that it will help me learn some new techniques, and discuss with others like me. I have to apologize in advance if this post is long, but it helps me to write things out, and maybe my story can help others feeling like me.
I've been battling anxiety and panic attacks since I was 16 (Wow...31 years!), although back then I didn't know what it was. My dad was always "antsy" when I was a kid--having to take midnight drives, and pacing the house--so I just assumed that I got antsy sometimes too.
After high school, I went into the US Air Force where I became a medical technician. BTW, that's a really bad field for someone who has an anxiety disorder. In addition to being an extremely stressful environment, you also get to learn about all of the medical problems that are possible for a human being to come down with. (this just adds fuel to any panic attacks you have because now you have names and symptoms to feed your fears) While in the military, my 'antsy' feelings became worse and soon blossomed into full blown panic attacks, complete with late night visits to the ER. During these visits (several, I cannot remember how many) I was always told that I was just stressed, given Ativan and sent home. Unfortunately, none of the Dr's ever put two and two together and sent me for the help that I needed. Although this would have most likely ended my time in the military early, I would have at least been able to receive the treatment I needed decades earlier.
After leaving the military, I did learn what I had via a late night infomercial for a program to combat anxiety and panic attacks. I ordered the program, which offered a little help, but not anywhere near the help I needed. I spent the next ten years or so starting a family, beginning a career, and haphazardly dealing with my anxiety when it came up. While remaining pretty anxious most of the time, I would only have issues with panic attacks a few times a year, so I learned to just put up with it. However, sometime in the early 2000's, I saw a commercial on TV for Paxil that changed my life. (for a while)
This ad on TV told me that not only was I among many other sufferers, but they promised that this magic pill could cure me. A week later I was in my Dr's office pouring my heart out, and begging for a prescription. After agreeing that I had GAD/Panic Disorder, my physician wrote me my script and sent me on my way. There was no mention of therapy at all, which I call 'mistake two' from the medical community in my life. (first being the military Dr's who missed the glaring signs of my problem years earlier)
The difference was, this time it worked! (Very Well) For the next few years, not only did I not have any panic attacks, my stress and anxiety were down at normal levels. I could focus, I felt relaxed, and for the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy. Sometime in there though, I had to switch to Zoloft because of some of the bad side affects of Paxil. Not a big deal, the Zoloft worked just as well. With the exception of a doozy of a panic attack while I was tapering off of the paxil and ramping up the Zoloft, I again went on my way with no attacks and normal stress levels.
Fast forward to now, and I have had one of the worst weeks of my life! I am currently on 200mg of Zoloft (had a bout of depression where the Dr upped my dose from the 100mg that I was on for years) As with everyone who is starting to get older, I'm having other issues that are coming up that need to be addressed; Overweight, Diabetes II, low good cholesterol, and low Testosterone. None of which are really a major problem. I'm currently losing weight on a low carb diet which is helping my weight and keeping the diabetes under control without medication. However, the low good cholesterol, and the low testosterone had to be addressed.
First, my Dr put me on Testosterone replacement which has really helped boost my mood and made me start feeling a lot better, and then she prescribed me Niacin for my cholesterol. (Niacin is one of the B vitamins that has been shown to help) Because I was starting to feel better, the Dr also wanted me to start tapering back down on the Zoloft. (this is where the problem comes in, and the reason I'm here)
I got a little too aggressive with my tapering, and last Thursday night shot straight up out of bed in a full blow panic attack at 2 in the morning. I'm supposed to drop 25mg a day, wait six weeks, and if I'm feeling okay drop another 25mg. (I thought I could get away with dropping 50mg....bad idea!) Several things to note about my panic attack last week. One, I have never woken from sleep in a full blown panic attack before. Two, this attack lasted for a couple of hours in high level of anxiety. And three, I've now have had at least one panic attack a day since then.
After that night, I immediately shot my dose back up to 200mg and figured I would stabilize before trying again, following my Dr's guidelines. (I know, I know, I've learned my lesson) But I have also realized over the past week, that I have never really addressed my anxiety and panic disorder, I've only masked it with medication.
The upside is that this experience has finally encouraged me to make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders (appointment next Tuesday), and it helped me find this awesome site and program.
Sorry, I told you at the top that this was going to be long, but honestly writing this out has made me feel more calm. It's been very therapeutic for me as I write this at 4am after another night of panic attacks and anxiety.
Thank you for listening :)
Tony