Hello Everyone,
I've never gone on to a online support group so this is all very new for me but I'm very excited about the potential support and understanding I will find here. So let me first start by telling you my panic story.
My panic attacks started on July 13 2010, so I've had them for over 4 years now. It has been the hardest 4 years of my life not just because of the panic attacks but many many other things that have happened. The first time I had a panic attack I had no idea what was going on I was at work and my chest started hurting, my stomach got upset I started vomiting and then I felt like I couldn't breath. I drove my self to the urgent care by then I was hyperventilating, vomiting and just completely out of control of my body or so I felt.
I was treated for stomach problems and even had my gallbladder removed. That was obviously not the reason I was having panic attacks but I guess it could have been what triggered them.
After several trips to the ER, urgent care and my Doctors office I was finally put on Celexa and Ativan. I continued to have panic attacks while getting adjusted to the medication and missed a lot of work because of it. Because of the days of work missed and other factors about the company I was fired from my job which only increased my anxiety since I was a single mother with 2 children to support. So the panic attacks continued and the increase in Celexa got higher and higher till I wasn't having panic attacks but constantly felt on edge like they were just under the surface. While adjusting to all of this my mother suddenly died, she had a pulmonary embolism and my dad found her when he came home from work.
I know that I am still dealing with the grief of her death even 4 years later my mother was my best friend she was the most amazing supportive person I knew and I miss her tremendously every day.
While out of work I continued to have panic attacks but surprisingly I didn't have any while dealing with my mothers funeral and helping my father take care of things it wasn't until about 6 months later when we finally got the cause of my mothers death, the coroners office told me that my mother had suffered a lot of pain while dying and other things that I have blocked out because it was my mom and she deserved a peaceful death.
The celexa helped but I ended up taking the highest dosage allowed but I was no longer taking the Ativan I didn't like the way it made me feel so numb and out of touch with everything. So after taking Celexa for about 2 1/2 years my doctor finally switched me over to Zoloft and I take 125mg of that for the last 2 years. I have a prescription for klonopin that I carry with me for emergency but if the 90 pills I have in the prescription there is still 90 in there, it's like a security blanket for me that if my panic got to a level 10 then I would have it to help me.
For the most part I don't have many panic attacks now I do have anxiety quite a bit but the medication and some therapy has helped with the panic, but for the last few weeks I have been having small panic attacks and last night I had a big one, it's been awhile since I felt this way. I don't really want to increase my medication if fact I would like to get off of it entirely I'm hoping that CBT will help with it my doctor has recommended it for me in the past.
Other significant factors in my life with panic are that my ex-husband and I got back together for 2 years and separated again for the last 2 years. He has a drug addiction and I am an enabler we just don't work well together. I still love him very much even though I say I can't stand him I've realized that we shouldn't be together but I wish it would have worked out. I'm struggling with letting the dream or idea of a happy family with him go. I have had other relationships before we got back together and one since we've separated but I am still single. I moved in with my father when I left my husband my 2 children and I live here now. It's a very negative environment my father was a great dad did everything for us but now he is all doom and gloom and very pessimistic. I have gained a lot of weight and am depressed most of the time. I try very hard to be positive but it's a daily challenge that I don't always win. I smoke which yes I know increases the chances of panic and anxiety but it's a crutch I use and need to find another healthier one to replace.
There is so much more to share but I feel this is becoming a novel so I will leave it at that for now. In advance thank you everyone for the support and understanding. I will get the hang of this online support group thing soon and start living a panic free life.
