Good for you for challenging yourself. If you keep pushing yourself you will notice a difference. It can be really hard but it will get easier. Keep working on the program and working through your thoughts just as you did here in the post. You seem to intuitively know what to do - getting there will take time.
Next time you feel uncomfortable or scared be mindful of the feelings without placing any judgement on it. Don't analyze the fear or try to rationalize just mindfull watch and sense the feeling as it comes and goes. Most anxiety symptoms will only last for about 20 minutes. Have you ever practiced mindful medication? You might find this a good addition to your treatment plan.
So I've had a relapse with agoraphobia (prob due to my first time pregnancy anxiety) but am stubborn about not hesitating to do the things I've always done. My significant other and I have gone to flea markets often over the past few yrs and he actually likes to shop. Since my anxiety symptoms have returned, going to a flea market seemed like climbing Mt Everest. Still I went. I was there nearly an hour and a half. The unreal, spacey, 'like I'm in a dream' symptom was with me the whole time. I honestly didn't enjoy the experience but just wanted to do it so I could try to get used to doing these things again. I figure if I dont do them, I'll never be comfortable again. All the people and activity did overwhelm my mind, but I did make it through without anything horrible happening, except just feeling discomfort and sadness over it all.
I wish I could be happier. Maybe since just a month ago, I could go to a flea market without a care in the world and now I dislike every moment is what is getting me down. I guess as far as exposure goes, I'm doing what I need to. It was like sensory over load though, I just wish this would all go away. I just want to feel as 'ok' as I did several wks ago, this is incredibly frustrating. When I went through this the first time, I'd look at this experience more as a victory, but now it's so hard to see the good in this. Hmm. I really have a lot of work to do on acceptance, putting less pressure on myself, and trying to really see the positives. What is the trick to accepting this symptom and being ok with it!? This is the symptom that I do fear and that fear does fuel it, but how to I ignore it or not let it scare me? I try to tell myself all these positive messages, but yeah, I'm pretty frustrated I can seem to find the key.
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