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Panic and Pregnancy

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi zoogirl7,

I'm sorry you are so consumed by this fear. It sounds very scary. Please know that this is not your fault. Stop with the should statements and self blame. You didn't do this to yourself and you don't deserve this. Feel proud that you are fighting this head on. This takes a lot of courage. Continue to work on the program and work with your therapist. You will get there. Until then we are here to support you.

I think you have a lot to look forward to. Some day soon you will start to see things differently, I'm sure of it.

How are you feeling today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi Ashley,

I do try to tell myself, hey a lot of people would be anxious right now! But I think given my past issues with severe panic, my mind slipped way back into things and what could be just some nerves is full blown anxiety disorder. My worst fear is being this way with a child. To me, I feel this would just be an unbearable way to live. I get so worried I'll become paralyzed with fear, unable to care for my child, unable to be the mom I always hoped I'd be, and my significant other seeing me turn into a person who I'd never want him to see. I can't explain why I'm so tormented by this. Logically I should know that I wont let this happen or if I even start to feel myself slip, I'll get the doc immediately, but for some reason my mind isn't getting eased. On top of all this, the anxiety symptom that I hate the most, is causing me so much discomfort and worry. I feel like I'm trapped in a couple cycles right now. I push through and I do everything I need to, but just getting by is no way to live. I want to be happy, comfortable, and enjoy life again. I'm so worried I'll never get there =-/ I can see that I totally did this to myself somehow, I just hope I can find my way out and be happy again. I'm seeing a therapist again, discussing meds, working on positive self talk, etc, but then I have that nagging negative thought telling me hmm, what if nothing works this time? It is irrational, but I do a great job at scaring myself to death! I need to master the art of turning negative thoughts positive, but right now it's hard since I'm so worried all the time. I need to be in a better mood maybe? I'll do anything really to feel better at this point ha lobotomy, whatever it takes!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Welcome zoogirl7,

I am sorry to hear you have been stuggling with panic and anxiety. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now with the new baby coming. Anyone would be anxiousl in a situation like this so some anxiety is normal. However, it does sound like you are getting stuck in some negative thoughts. One being, "what if I get that way again? AND this time with a child!!??" First of all, you likely learned a lot about anxiety and about yourself since you were able to make the anxiety subside for quite a long time. That is fantastic! All that learning is still there. What did you learn last time that you can apply now? Secondly, what if you got that way again with a child? What would happen? How bad would it really be? Really examine the fear because in reality fear is the only thing you have to fear. Take a look at the questions for challenging negativity within the program. Use these questions to help challenge your thoughts that are creating the anxiety.

Keep working the program and posting here. How are you feeling this weekend?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

According to my therapist if a person with a panic disorder is free for 80% of the time they are considered cured because of the the tendency to draw on past experiences. The other 20% of the time they have to use coping and relaxation techniques to keep the panic at bay.

Some more information for you which was quite an eye opener for me when it was first told to me. This can be a bit scary. Nothing just happens. There is always a reason and nothing happens without passing through memory to know how or why or if it should in fact be done. It also happens very fast and mostly subconscious so it isn't noticeable. But even so it still has an effect in you. Also for every thought or planned action memory has a number of solutions That is why you can catch yourself when you slip on a wet floor. Memory says this is what needs to be done. This is why you can walk on uneven ground, memory compensates. As a baby you fell down a few times learning how to do this. But when you are about to walk on slippery ground your mind slows down and switches to conscious thought and you become aware of what you are doing.

Also and here is where panic comes in. You have a number of solutions in memory for every query. Memory picks out the most appropriate one. I didn't say the right one, it would be nice if it did. No it picks out the most appropriate one based on past experience, mood, environment and a number of controlling factors like core beliefs for instance. but mostly it uses the last used solution because you see every action and thought recycles back to memory as an upgrade to keep you current with the present situation. So if you want a different thought or action you have to consciously do it or it will recycle the one that happened. Negative breeds negative because your memory can only record what it sees.

But mood for instance can dictate the choice it makes from a stack of solutions and if all those solutions are positive it will have to dig pretty deep to find a negative one. This is the principle behind CBT. Changing thought patterns so memory will draw on positives instead of negatives. The negatives never disappear because they are needed. All survival skills are negative because they have to be. But you use them in an emergency and they go back to their corner and silently wait till they are needed again. Anxiety and panic are the reaction to them but very short lived as soon as they have a solution and see they are not needed.

Back to memory. If you are in a frame of mind to open these survival skills when they are not needed and if memory can not find a reason why you are panicking it will go through memory and associated memory looking for an answer till it decides it is not needed. The more intelligent and the more experiences you have the longer this takes. So in people with some horrific trauma can have some very bad panic attacks. I did. So memory needs some help in the form of feeding it a solution. During a panic attack there is a lot of confusion because first fear causes you to block reasonable thought. Just try to write down what is happening. You can't but by trying you show memory it is not reasonable and it therefore has a solution and can shut down the fight or flight survival mode. Taking a panic attack back to normal short lived panic. You also establish in memory that it was inappropriate behaviour for future reference. Actually harder done than it seems because memory also works with conditioning. So it takes a while with positive thought to overcome the obstacles. But it does happen, just slower than we want. That is why the saying, "this is the hardest simple thing you will ever do". But unlike having panic go away because of a change of scenery, CBT techniques stay with you for life and soon become second nature acting on their own because memory has decided from past use of them that they are appropriate.

Does this make sense. Because if it does you can see why positive thought can be hard to install.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Thanks so much for replying, Davit.

I never have thought about memories before, that is really interesting and definitely rings true. I had a really rough day, but right now, at home, I'm feeling more 'stable' and relaxed than before. I try really hard to use positive self talk but its clear that is a skill I need to work on a lot more these days.

I have quite the imagination which can be good and bad in life. I can imagine worst case scenarios very easily and since I've experienced (what I believe to be) the worst panic disorder can give, it's not hard for me to recall those memories at a time like this. Honestly I panicked when I first found I was pregnant, it was a surprise ha, but though I got extremely scared, I was able to get myself under control and I didn't have actual panic attacks then. Now as the pregnancy is drawing to an end, the attacks are starting up. It's not hard for me to recall what the disorder felt like when I was so afraid to leave my house, drive, do anything. A thought popped in...what if I get that way again? AND this time with a child!!?? How awful! That's all it took. My mind did not let that thought go. I tell myself all will be ok, shh, and relax, but its not working all the time. I'm going back to a therapist so maybe that will help, this life change is sending my mind into a whirlwind.

I have a lot of awful memories from a decade ago when I first faced this. Phew.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi zoogirl17

You may not know the things I'm going to point out but if you do then bare with me.

First off you can not destroy or delete memory so all that old panic is still accessible. It was just buried.

Second any change in situation can send you searching for answers.

Third when you don't find what you want because of a number of reasons, fatigue being high on the list you will search associated memory for answers. Search deep enough and you will find memories of how panic used to be. Trying to block them will just send the search deeper into unwanted territory.

Associated memory can be things such as thoughts of pregnancy problems or raising children that has nothing to do with you at all but they come up because you have no solution in primary memory. Same with the panic thoughts.

The answer is a CBT technique. Acceptance of the situation and putting positive thoughts in as answers so there is something in memory to bury the unwanted thoughts. I bet you have memories of someone who had a bad pregnancy or someone who did a poor job of raising their child. The closer to you the stronger they will be. But if this is your first then you have no memories that are positive to draw on. You need to make some, starting with the fact that these are memories, not experiences, this did not happen to you personally. Even if it had of tomorrow is a new day, it doesn't have to be as it was. Positive thoughts. Somewhat like the rule innocent till proven guilty. There is no need for panic till you give it a reason to be there. Imagination is the random searching of associated memory and can work both ways if you have both good and bad associated memories.

I have no children but once got to hold a day old baby. The miracle of this buried every thought I had that had been stopping me from having children. It is still there.

Find some positive thoughts to bury the negative ones you are having right now. What you are about to do soon is very special and unique. Something worth celebrating every day. An experience. A good experience. A positive experience and that is how you want to remember it.

So in short think of all you can do to be a good mom rather than all that can go wrong. It may take some work but it does work.

Any question don't hesitate to ask some one will have an answer.

Davit

Ps, A friend used to have dreams of things unrelated but out of her control just because she was worried and had no answers.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with panic disorder about 9 yrs ago and for the past 6 yrs felt I had everything 'under control'. The symptoms were mainly gone and I was a fully functioning person rarely having negative thoughts. I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my first child, it was unplanned, but my significant other is happy and around so we've been managing ok. The first month I found out I was a nervous wreck but it never escalated into the 'old ways'. About a month ago, I started getting waves of panic. I was able to let it go for a while, until a couple weeks ago. My brain has started to latch onto to those old feelings again and my life has become pretty miserable. The thoughts of agoraphobia have returned along with my most dreaded symptom, the unreal feelings. No matter how hard I try to self soothe or talk my way through it, I get so scared and escalate. I'm trying so hard to stop this but now I wake up with that scared feeling in the pit of my stomach and though I still do everything, I get scared before going to stores, restaurants, driving, etc.everything again. I never avoid, I always pushed through this, but it feels so bad, I'm so unhappy. I know pregnancy can bring out fears, but I was managing ok until I hit the 3rd trimester. I'm sure I'm starting to get scared now about a baby, just not knowing what to expect, and worrying I'll regress into panic again and be a miserable mother. I cry at least once a day now and just am not enjoying life. Ugh. I'm going back to therapy but so far havent gotten much relief. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but this time this isnt just about me, I have to take care of a baby and be a capable parent. I hate that the fears are back. I'm sure this is in part because I weaned off my xanax, but I am taking a bit now. I just cant take all the fearful feelings all the time. Has anyone been through this or had a huge setback in their disorder that just sent them reeling? Thanks so much for any help, I am one desperate, scared mom-to-be right now =-/

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