There are a number of these. The one thing they have in common is that the person doing it has a very logical, to them only, reason to do it. If you do this to a person with an anxiety disorder you will make it worse and I can only say that you are cruel. Intended or not. If you do it to someone who doesn't have a disorder and doesn't need your help they most likely will tell you to get lost or in the least give you enough rope to hang yourself.
Number one on the list is selfishness disguised as being set in your ways. Most people get set in their ways and some times this is better than being all over the place. Being set in your ways can mean you are dependable if they are good sets. You can be a real pain if they are contrary to everything needed in a relationship. Number one in the course on how to destroy friends and relationships 101.
Opposites attract and can really compliment a relationship, but there has to be some common ground. Compromise is never 50/50. A lot of compromise should not be there in the first place. The last thing a person wants to hear is "that is how I've always done it and that is how I'm going to do it". Sounds like a ticket to hit the road to me.
People in relationships can have less tolerance for this than people living together for economies sake but it will eventually build to the breaking point.
So what is the big deal? The big deal is that sometimes you can't just get mad and go your own way. There are children. Or there is not enough money, but the worst is agoraphobia. A person with a mental disability is often at the mercy of everyone unless they want to live in a mental institute. It is amazing what people will put up with because they have to. It is also amazing what resources they will use to manage too. Alcohol, legal and illegal drugs. And that silent killer, sleep.
Sleeping during the day. (not talking about naps) Sleep every time there is the least bit of stress. This leads to health problems, such as being so far out of shape you can't do anything anyway. And obesity. Unless you are living on coffee and cigarettes during your awake time.
The worst destructive behaviour is getting even. Even the word is destructive and a warping of all it could be. Getting even could mean working hard to do your part to make things work, but it never does.
Destructive behaviour is like a broken dam. The crack may start off small but unless you get on top of it the breach will just get wider.
But how do you stop from doing it and how do you tell someone they are doing it. Chances are that the person doing it really doesn't care. Gets worse as time passes as far as not caring goes.
I've been guilty of letting some one go when I felt they were not interested in making it work. Compromise can only go so far. These people were head strong and had resources so I feel no guilt. On the other hand I would do everything possible if the person had a good mental reason and was trying. But they have to try. Both have to try if they are going to do anything constructive about destructive behaviour because it doesn't take long before both parties are doing it. More contagious than the common cold.
So if you find yourself guilty of destructive behaviour I hope you have the will power and the desire to do something about it because in the end you are the one who loses.
Davit
