Megan
I guess I am one of the lucky ones. When I was real bad my therapist came to me or we did the one hour sessions over the phone. And I really appreciate what she did so when she asked if I would talk to people on the phone I said yes. Sometimes all it takes to keep them in therapy is having a survivor tell them it works. Some I talk to still on the phone, some I Email and some both. CBT works so all I'm doing is explaining things or giving assurance that it is going to. And it does. This program has all you need for relief and all the forms but if a person wants more information they have to go to the internet. Or to their therapist, or both as I did. She gave me sites to look at and information that wasn't hog wash and even tried to get me to go to school. I'm too old for school. Besides I just want to get people on the road to recovery and give them a reason to stay on it. There is also information only therapists know that isn't on the internet. I share it with those that are interested. It isn't necessary for recovery but it explains why it works so sometimes that makes a difference. But she is right when she says a lot of people aren't going to understand it. Conditioning won't allow them to.
"want to" is something I discovered sort of by accident. I was so sick of forcing myself to do things. All it was doing was bringing the anxiety to focus.
One day after three tries and an Ativan I was sitting in front of the store almost in tears. I was so tired of not being able to shop. Even when I could on the drugs it was still tunnel vision and get the minimum and go home.
I was sitting there thinking I want to be able to do this. I'm going to try again, I'll do it or pass out trying. Well I would have passed out or given up but the mantra was a distraction. I want to do this got me through the door. Oh my God, tea bags are isle five. I want the tea bags, I want to go to isle five and get them. I'll admit I had to lean on my cart and breath a bit but I did it, in fact I got everything I wanted. I sat in the car and said "I won". I won is important because it keeps the positive. I decided to see if it was a fluke. I went for a hot chocolate and you guessed it. Panic attack at the door. This is where I used another CBT technique. Anger. At the situation, at me. I want to do this. I want to. And I did. Now this looks like forcing and because of the anger it is. But it changes to a passive I want to instead of a have to and in a short while it goes subconscious and you just do it. It won't stop you from doing the dog thing or other distractions as coping skills but even they fade in time when you see they are not necessary any more. I never use them anymore and if I'm using I want to it is subconscious. It feels perfectly normal to be in a crowd. Even in a strange town. And this is a good feeling. It is there if I ever need it again, but I don't think I will. You will remember the first time I tried this it was after Ativan didn't work. The bottle stayed in the car and I never used it again even though I was afraid to throw it out. It is gone now.
I have a friend (who still Emails me) who could not cross bridges. Not only does she drive over bridges but she drove across Canada to drive the longest one we have. She flies to europe and takes cruises. It took various forms of I want to to get her to walk out on a wharf. But she stuck to it and it worked.
Davit.
