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11 years ago (Edited a year ago) 0 +0 / -0 11226

Wow Mickeylover!
Thank you so much for sharing your success with us. You have accomplished so much! All that you described sounds like excellent, healthy coping mechanisms. Losing 45 lbs also likely helped. Exercise and maintaining a healthy weight can have a huge impact on our physical and mental health.

So how will you be celebrating your success this weekend?
Ashley, Health Educator

Bump!

Here is a success for you. Starting exposure can be very scary but exposure is the best way to start working on anxiety. Have you started exposure work? If so, what are your challenges and success? If not, what is stopping you? Please share. You are not in this alone.

Ashley

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

mickeylover

"Want to" works for sure but I have to warn you that negatives will still try to sneak in. These are not set backs, more like better the devil you know than an angel you don't. Patience, you have spent ten years in a prison, getting out is going to take some getting used to. But the sun does shine and it is worth the trouble and work to be free.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Two summers ago I lost a friend to a heart attack. He used to go with me when I couldn't drive myself, I used to make him wine. No one knew he had a bad heart. He had a bad back and when he got it fixed he started walking everywhere, up and down hills a younger man wouldn't do. His heart just gave out.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 26

Thanks Davit

I really want to thank you, you always know how to make a person feel even better. I wish I had a neighbor like yourself, I use to have one but she passed and she always knew how to make me regain my confidence. I really do want to get over my panic attacks I want to be able to work the whole shift without leaving because I had a panic attack. I want to keep a job long enough for me not to quit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

mickeylover

I want to thank you very much for your post. For selfish reasons but I also want to congratulate you on your progress. As one who has been there I can honestly say it gets better. You remind me of another lady who can now go anywhere she wants to.

I said for selfish reasons and what I meant was I keep saying if you "want to" it is positive but if you "have to" it is negative. It is far easier to do something if you want to rather than if you have to. You can say well I have to because it has been ten years but the truth is that you are doing it because you want to. Those two words are in your post.

I'm impressed with your use of distractions and a safe person and your understanding of how they work. The next step for me was to make a mantra so I could do it without a safe person. My mantra was a series of words to reinforce the fact that I was doing it because I wanted to not because I had to. And it works. I also added a simple reward after. I repeated "I won" and meant it. euphoria. I'm single, I had no choice I had to do this and like you I could not keep doing it with Ativan. But more important was the fact that I wanted to, I wanted my life back. As a young man I once drove for 22 hours straight including through Calgary, and here I was 20 minutes from the grocery store and I couldn't do it. Something was wrong. And I think that something might have been that I was tired of responsibility, I was tired of having to do things. I didn't want to have to go to the store or the doctor or anywhere farther than my garden. I didn't want to deal with people, even just a few. Now when I go to the store and it is crowded the only thing that bothers me is that they get in my way. (I'm a bit crippled and can't stand long periods) I actually like to talk to them if I can find something to sit on. And I go home happy, not relieved that that is over. Now if I avoid doing something it is because I find it difficult physically. Pigs can't fly and neither can I.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 26

I'm extremely happy because it has been 10 years since I was able to do anything by myself. I was not really doing any exposure I would read the program and not even try to do it because I was extremely scared. I was scared of being scared I just didn't think I would be able to do any sort of exposure because of my panic attacks. After my neighbor passed away I was at a set back of not even being able to be with my siblings at home I needed my parents to be there. How does that happen? A grown women acting like if she was 2 needing her parents because it was very scary to be without them. This was 3 years ago.

Now I've been praying everyday, and it's like a meditation for me, it's the only time I don't think of any negative thoughts of having a panic attack. I constantly was thinking of what if I get a panic attack, this is an all day thing everyday and it drains me at the end of the day.

So, now I started doing my exposure homework before I never went past week number 4 because I was too scared to do week 5 exposure. I started reading it and I just said let's do this it's been 10 years I want to get over this. So I did, first it was extremely scary to do this on my own because I was afraid of having a panic attack and then who would help me.

The first time I tried it I drove around my block it was not to bad. When my negative thoughts were arising I just started singing as loud as I could just to drain my thoughts away. I did it I was extremely happy. Next I gave myself another goal to go around two blocks. I was getting some anxiety but I just told myself just go for it it will be ok. And so I did that made me feel allot better. And my hope was stating to build up, before I went to drive I would pray. The third day I decided to try 4 blocks but thought it was too much exposure and I felt I could not do it alone so I called my sister and was talking to her, and that kept my mind busy and didn't let any negative thoughts arise. And I did it it was the most amazing feeling I felt free for the very first time in 10 years. I set my goals to go to a 7-11 because it's close to me and there are not too much people there. I set my goal just to drive there and park but when I was there I went much further I got out of my car went inside and bought something. It was the greatest feeling in the world I just kept thanking God because I have not been able to do this in so long. Then I set my goal to put gas in my car and that was a little more tough because the gas station is always busy, and I though if I have a panic attack how am I going to flee fast enough there will be cars in front of me and behind me. So I decided to go early in the morning when it was not so full and so I did. When I was going to pay I could not go inside because there were too many people so I payed at the kiosk outside. When I was pumping gas I stated to get negative thoughts and I just wanted to leave without even pumping the gas into my car. I called my sister I know that was dangerous because were not suppose to pump gas and talk on the cell phone, but it helped out allot I was into the conversation and forgot about my negative thoughts.

I still have a long ways to go because I'm still not able to go out further than that or go into a big supermarket or stay home alone. I just wanted to share my story because it's possible to get over this it just takes time and allot of exposure it's the only way it's going to work. I want to set my goals to go even further and maybe I will be able to go to a store where there are allot of people like Walmart. I'm just taking it one day at a time and this time I will not stop doing exposure and praying because that's what has helped me allot. I'm also not drinking medication I use to be on zoloft and ativan but the side effects were making me feel worst. Now I exercise and take vitamin b-12 and vitamin c and complex B. I also drink chamomile tea in the morning and before I go to bed it helps me sleep better. In no way am I saying not to drink your medication if you need it. I'm just saying my side of the story and what has helped me. I also lost 45 lbs and I feel more confident to do things I don't know if that had anything to do with anything but I don't feel depressed anymore.

Sorry I just went on and on but I if my story even helps one person that there is hope, we can do exposure and it does work. It's just ourselves putting negative thoughts in our head we just need to drain them out by keeping busy. Like I said I still have a long ways to go but this exposure has boosted my confidence 100 percent.

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