I had a job that I loved, but after the contract ended, and I was laid off in the institution, I accepted the layoff. I spoke to my counsellor first because I didnt want to make a rash decision, ie losing my seniority, security, potential to return to job i loved. She said it wouldnt be rash, that I would certainly find another position. So I accepted my layoff with a small severence package. Then my father became ill and died a month later. I got another job a month after htat but became so depressed I chose to resign as my doctor wanted me to take a medical leave. So here I am a month and a half off work. I do not like being off work. I spend alot of time searching for positions online. I have started applying. I feel afraid, I feel afraid noone will ever hire me. I have regret for leaving position, had I known how things would have turned out I would not have. I have been in a major depression the last month, and was diagnosed with chronic dysthymia so I have "double depression". I just changed my meds to wellbutrin 300 mg/day. starting the cbt program on this website. I just dont like to be scared. I have never worked before!!! Thank you for reading this.
Thank you for your responses. They are most appreciated. It is true I am confused and scared. I considered myself a semi successful professional 6 months ago. I feel impelled to look for work and apply to jobs, I am most happy when I am working I think. I am on unemployment, and my financial situation is ok. I can afford a bit of time not working, but I do not think it is good for me, it is very difficult to not have anything to do all day. I am bored and feel stagnant.
I am doing the homework for the first lesson for this program, must I complete a week of this before going on to the second?
ps I havent cried today at all, I have been completely neutral.
I know a job will not fix me, but it will give me something to do!!! work has always been a major source of my identity.
Hi I am climbing out of the deep dark hole of a major depressive episode. It is comforting to read that the feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and absolutely no self confidence I have been feeling can be attributed to the illness.
I relate to the previous post, wondering if my life is even worth living: just last week I was thinking I could not stand the pain and that I should just 'check out' early. Today though is an okay day, and I am glad I am alive to live it even with the uncertainties life will invariably offer.
I love that I found this site, I am working on my first week of the work. Also, I think my new antidepressants are working. If you are contemplating suicide, see your doc, get on some meds, and reach out. I spent alot of time on the crisis distress lines the last month. The readings on this site are helpful too.
Depression is a life or death illness, and there is both treatment, support and hope for those of us who experience it.
Hi I am on new meds that seem to be working ok, my depression is subsiding, but I am having the side effect of dry mouth, that liquid doesnt seem to quench. Anyone else have this side effect? How have you dealt with it? Look forward reading your replies.
I feel very angry and trapped because of this condition. I am out of work and trying to get my life together. My new medication works psychologically but is causing me distress with a sore throat nausea and agitatoin. I am just trying to get on with my life!!! Now I have a doctor and a psychiatrist, in this city that I hate living in and I feel I am not suupported in living my dreams!!! I only moved to this city to further my educaiton, which I did!!! I want to move up north, that is my dream!!! I want to be well, and I want to work!!! I dont just want to be a person with depression.
It is painful. Social context of depression: anyone think maybe this is also a result being limited in my choices???
thank you ashley for your reply and for validating my feelings.
i am on week two of the program, i will focus on getting my thoughts straight. first thing i can do is ensure i am taking good care of myself. and to look at the positive things in my life cause there are many.
I am glad to read all the postings on this thread. I was laid off in november, however had many options to choose from to stay in the organization, none of which appealed to me, and i resigned giving up 2.75 years seniority in a well paying, although high stress, position. It was my first post grad job in the field.
I wasnt sure if it was the right thing to do or not, I even went and saw my psychotherapist to ensure I wasnt making a rash decision, she said "what makes you think that nobody else is going to hire you?". And I took that as "permission" to resign although I think I really needed someone to say "wait. you dont have to do this. you can take a leave of absence or such". I havent done well on interviews, and I am tired with self defeating thoughts [which i will learn how to challenge with cbt] So naturally now I regret it, who resigns from a job in the middle of a recession? I can't fault anyone, I have to take accountability for my decision. I also have to stop beating myself up. I am on benefits. I am ok. I have no debt. I live very simply. I am also getting an opportunity to work on my dysthymia treatment (cbt), and research what other opportunities this world holds for me. I only live once. I just gotta stop discussing my career with my doctor and psychotherapist, cause really my decisions do not affect them. Honestly at this point I am not even sure how I got through university! Must have been a miracle.
I have had depression as long as I can remember, lately I have learned it is dysthymia with MDD after major stressors. I am just coming out of an episode of MDD which led to a med change, which led to me seeing a psychiatrist and getting my diagnosis of dysthymia. The doc said treatment is 30% medication, 70% treatment, specifically cbt, which is up to me. That is how I found this site. Psychotherapists are expensive and also, I am in the middle of a court case and tired of feeling the defense lawyers sitting next to my therapist, as they get all the notes (and have for the last four years). I am so grateful for this anonymous online opportunity to work this program.
I have been stabilized in the past, however will always have that diagnosis.
I feel that means I can never go and teach english over seas in Korea or other foreign countries. I wonder if you know anything about that?
I have started a new job int he past week. So far it is going ok but for some anxiety and low self worth, thoughts like "there is no way i can do this" and "i will not succeed" and "that other new hire is doing better than I". I stopped the cbt program awhile back for no good reason (maybe i was feeling bettter?)
so i am going to start again at step one with the activity tracker. i also have a worry sheet cause it seems like htat is what i am doing. I am happy to be at my new employment, and really hope that it works out. Otherwise, Im pretty dysthymic all the time. joining the gym tomorrow i hope will help.
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