Hi! Just started the program today.Have had what I call low grade depression all my life.Am now taking 60 Citalopram/day with very little effect,except dizzy,no motivation.Looking forward to the next 16 weeks.
Following the thread of parties one the last functions I went to some old friend said "How are you?" and I replied "Well things haven't worked out the way I planned I haven't achieved the goals I set for myself and a lot of the time I think of killing myself." That pretty well ended that conversation.My solution has been to isolate myself to the point that there is no party invitations.
This was about 20 years ago and my isolation has been very successful.I suppose That I'm quite lonely but I seem to fill up the days.
That's a good question Danielle.What am I afraid of?Sometimes I think that if I did get out of the isolation that I'd be overwhelmed by having to talk to all these people.I run out of thoughts after 15 minutes and then just want to leave.There's a certain comfort in isolation,no challenges,no fear.
Here's me,"Hi How are you?It looks like rain.How have you been? How's the wife?How about those Blue Jays(a baseball club).Then I'm done AGGGHH!! Leave me alone!!!Run away back to my safe place.Ah! Peace and Quiet.But I'm alone again. And round and round it goes.
You sound like a very interesting person Mr.Llama.In time I will hopefully get to know you better, once I get over my initial reticence of opening up and also opening the door of my self-imposed "safe place"
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but here it is.Today at my Mindful Meditation session(it was a long 5 hour,silent,semi retreat) I realized as the leader was guiding us through various forms of meditation that it was like I was only hearing every 5th word and a minute later I couldn't remember anything she said.
And I realize that this is how I go through a lot of my days.It's very hard to connect.
Hello Moody,Hello Maggie.
I forget where I've posted or what I said.I'm into the 2nd week I stopped doing daily activity schedule when I realized that I was starting each day with 59% depression ,anxiety.I've looked at the start of week 2 and find it overwhelming I'm going to slow down a bit and read the stuff over carefully.Also it's probably not a good idea to read the words while listening to Lynyrd Sknyrd.I'm soldiering on but again concentration is not a major strength at the moment.
Thanks Gabs.As time goes by I will get more at ease with the sight.The internet and places like this are still quite strange to me.The old days with just my quill pen were more restful.Yet I was depressed even then.
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