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Posts created by Linda50

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Program tools and worksheets

Hello,

I am new to this program but not new to depression/anxiety. I have had antidepressants over the years but lately I feel great after the initial serotonin rush but then it's like the med no longer works. I am interested in the cognitive therapy but cannot figure out how to access the worksheets.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

I am in the process of completing Session 1 and can already see the benefit of CBT. The fact that I can complete this on my own is significant as I don't think I would seek outside help, especially as I am a health care provider that chose to be a stay at home parent. The light at the end of the tunnel no longers feels like a train....I have hope & don't feel so alone. This has given me a sense of purpose & I just hope I can train my brain!! We all know the right things to do, it's being able to actually doing them. Good luck everyone else too as I begin this long overdue journey.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

Thanks so much rosiersmom for the encouraging words. Freddy is a nickname I chose in honour of my brother who used to call me "Freddy the Rock" as I was a bit of a tomboy growing up. He committed suicide when he was only 32, I was 18 at the time. I am now 50 so that was a long time ago...gone but not forgotten.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

Hello Ashley,

I am doing ok..up and down but overall improving. I find being aware of how my thoughts affect my mood is empowering. I am also very aware of negative energy and my husband was away for while and I find myself getting anxious now that he's back. He is, or we both are, need to be right kind of people and we bicker far too much. I felt empowered that I was seeking help and taking care of things here by myself for a period of time. While he was away there were a lot of snow so I was snow blowing the driveway an hour or so everyday. I've noticed that my mood is a lot better after being outside for an hour exerting some energy. I find exercise, for the sake of exercise, extremely hard as I have OC tendencies and feel the need to be productive. I am now moving on to Session 2.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

Thank you rosiesmom for your kind words. It is so nice to realize that there are others out there going through similar experiences and in doing so, we can lean on each other. It is fair to say that I hit rock bottom in February with suicidal thoughts so I had no where to go but up! I could endlessly organize stuff around the house...it gives me a sense of accomplishment, but it is very isolating so I am trying to force myself to go out for a walk, etc. at least once a day. My second child went off to university this last fall, so I am dealing with "empty nest" although they are only an hour away & I do frequently get texts from them...mostly when they need money! I am sort of trying to reinvent myself so to speak....I did it once when I turned 35....I exercised, lost weight and bought a horse, who I dearly loved. Sadly she died suddenly 2 years ago this March.

I assume your daughter is Rosie? How old is Rosie? I miss the days when the kids were young....we used to do so much together.

My anxiety level is sorting itself around my husband. I am firm that I can do things, that I don't need him hovering over me while I cut the vegetables, etc...in case I don't do them the "right way", " Don't sweat the small stuff!...haha another good mantra.

Take care rosiesmom & remember to do things in "baby steps", try to add one activity or chore a day. You CAN do it:)

Thanks also for responding to my posts so I know that someone out there is reading them and cares!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Bad day today...what goes up must come down?? Ongoing trust issues with my 21 year old son. Had pleasure plans today but got side tracked with the on going drama. He continually skims money or booze, apologizes, acts nice and then does the same thing all over again. I am hopeful each time he apologizes and really think he's turned a corner, but he hasn't. This is not good for my mental health and I'm at the point that I have to protect it. I haven't got dressed today but did manage to get a shower. I am now back in bed:( I did call the 1-800 number and spoke with a counsellor, who was not much older than my son. She didn't really tell me anything that I didn't already know...consequences, following through. Situation is complicated because we are trying to get him through this semester and he lives an hour away from home with his 18 year old sister who he expects to be treated the same as...allowance and not working. He attends university 3 nights a week and an online course. He has a lot of time on his hands and we have been after him since he quit last semester in November to pick up a part time job for pocket money. He wasn't expected to get a job the past 3 years but he doesn't see the logic in that with his sister. He is extremely passive aggressive and an underachiever...his way of gaining control. I just don't know what to do...he has agreed to see a specialist to determine if he has ADD but he rarely follows through on what he says. I want so much for him to get on his way and stop all these games. I question whether this is a phase or is this his true character. It is very worrisome and it is dragging me down. Any pearls of wisdom would be greatly appreciated:)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

Today is a better day:). Sometimes you have to try not to over think things and just get out that door.! So often my mind can convince me not to. I find myself mentally doing the worksheets rather than putting a pen to paper...I will work on that! My husband is really the only one that knows the extent of my "affliction". My friends and family really have no idea of how hard it is sometimes for me to do the simplest things that many take for granted. I find myself mentally preparing myself to do errands ahead of time. I suppose it gives me some sense of preparedness and control. I even have a mental map of the route and errands that I do that is the most efficient and probably will get me back home the quickest. I am going to stop somewhere spontaneously...usually my mind convinces me that I can do that another day. I will work on that too! Pretty well all of my girl friends are super confident, strong women and have no idea of how hard it is sometimes for me to do the simplest things that they do without a second thought. People would be surprised to know this about me as I am pretty good in covering up and sometimes making up excuses as to why I cannot do things. I have eluded to it to a couple of them but unless you are trained in psychology or are going through it yourself ,I feel that it is very hard for them to truly understand. Sometimes I rely on having a few drinks to loosen up and take on a different persona. I am kind of a Jekyll and Hyde ....very talkative and chatty and then the next day I go back in my shell and become very quiet and reserved. I'm not sure I can ever meld the two personalities. Thanks rosiesmom for your continued support and good luck in your journey.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

The yo yoing is hard, isn't it? I'm so glad that you are forcing yourself to get out for a walk,,,so sorry you fell...one step forward, two steps backwards. It is amazing how it takes such effort sometimes to get out that door...we always feel better once we do...again, it must be our minds doing us in. As it has been pointed out with depression, the behaviour has to come first, then the motivation...let's remember that! "Fake it 'til you make it"....or "until you become it". I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and me both:).

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

Session 1

I highly recommend watching "The Happiness Advantage" by Shawn Achor....it is a short youtube presentation that highlights happiness and retraining your brain. It recommends focusing on the positive by 1. writing 3 things that you are grateful for each day 2. journaling a positive daily experience 3. exercise 4. meditation 5. random acts of kindness I am really going to try this. Who's with me? :) rosiesmom??? are you Linda? That's funny if you are, because that is my name too...same spelling

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 44

hey there

Hi suzz2273,

I am new to this support group and I have just read your story. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot imagine such a traged. I know through my own losses throughout my lifetime that you really have to try to give thanks and be so grateful for the time that you had together. Your story resonates with me...that sometimes life becomes a series of chores and the days are more to be endured than enjoyed. Through this site I have also found out that as a depressed person you really do have to schedule more pleasure in your life. The other nugget that I can take away from my sessions so far is that for a depressed person the behaviour has to come before the motivation. This rings so true for me. I am really trying to "just do it" rather than thinking about it and talking myself out of it. It also helps a lot to reach out to others. I have just watched an interesting talk on happiness and I highly recommend watching it. It's called "The Happiness Advantage" by Shawn Achor on youtube. It suggests that it is possible to train your brain to be happy. In order to do so you have to focus on the positive and not the negative and gives you ways to do this. It suggests that daily you write down: 1. 3 things that you are grateful for 2. journal one positve experience 3. random act of kindness 4. exercise and 5. medidation. I am going to give it a try and I hope that you do too. I know that there are days that the "black hole" just swallows you up and sometimes I don't fight it, I let it be and know that tomorrow is another day. I wish you all the best.

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