Thanx everyone and I enjoyed the poem too, I actually like to write them too! With my last pregnancy I really got bad for a very long time, but it was different...less panic. I was really distraught and questioning everything and was really obsessed with dying. this time it is more panic but laced in it is the dispair. I have gotten to the point where I feel surreal almost all of the time and I can't stand it, I hate that feeling!!! I am afraid to get out of the bed because I don't want that surreal feeling to take over. Am I doing this to myself or will I just feel this surreal feeling for a while??? I have been through it before but don't remmeber it bothering me this bad. possibly it has just been so long that I don't remember the details. I would really appreciate any insight from someone, anyone who has been through this part lately! Thanx Everyone.
Thanx Davit, it is really hard not to focus on how bad it was before and how I am so scared to feel like this for a really long time. I have been doing the CBT for the third week now and find it says a lot that I alreay knew but more importantly it supports what I know and helps me practice it more and teaches me things I didn't know. I have not been able to print our my last couple weeks of worksheets becuase my printer is out of ink and I think that might have set me back some as I attempted just trying to do it in my head and not on paper. I go through moments where I handle it well and then I feel okay, but I have been having a hard time today. Last night I had a major panic attack and broke down and took a small piece of Xanax. I am fighting the urge to take one today as I don't want to get back on and have to wean off or suffer the feelings after it wears off. There is no where for me to run from this, I just have to stand up to it and that is scary. It is hard to survive every day instead of living it! I am sure you know about that part, most that have panic have been there I am sure. At this moment even I am in a very surreal and nervous state. I want this feeling to go away so bad! I just pray God balances out my hormones and gives me the strength I need to get through this. I could not do it without him and I don't even want to try it! Thanks for all your response.
Tiana, I am doing the program and I am in the third week. I know a lot of this is hormonal and believe that it will get better in the second trimester, just trying to keep myself as calm as possible until then. The last couple of days have been very challenging and I am doing my best to ride it out as good as possible, Thanks everyone for all your responses.
Ashepp3, thank you.I find that crying helps me too. I always tell my husband that crying is deliverance. Sometimes it is hard to cry and other times I can't stop, the joys of pregnancy. You are probably doing the same as I have as far as the Sunday thing, sometimes I expect to feel something at night so nights are worse...I honestly think sometimes it is just because I expected it! Sometimes I think knowing that helps. I wish you the best and I will say a prayer for you.
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