Hello everyone. I'm new to this group as of today. I just wanted to share my story to perhaps have some insight because i'm not getting any clarity thinking about it over and over again (hamster on a wheel :)
I have had anxiety and depression i guess on and off for the past 5 years. It seems like I have a baseline level of anxiety every day and depression every day. I am currently in the process of weaning from effexor ever so slowly and starting on cipralex. The only one thing i really avoid is intimate relationships currenlty because the anxiety and crying is just so bad, and I don't feel I should be with someone when I feel negative about myself. I work a steady job and I travel somewhere interesting just about every year. I have wonderful family and friends. So what the heck is wrong with me? I find I spend at least 50% of my day thinking about how to better manage and/or get rid of the anxiety and depression. My life really hasn't changed alot in the last few years and somepeople say I should try something new (?work wise, hobbies), but anytime I try something new I usually just feel pretty blah and out-of-it, so my motivation to continue is low. I'm also super sensitive so I can become anxious (hyperarousal state) very easily and not know why. Then i have short periods during the day when I feel relief - kind of a blank mind state with no negative thoughts and i feel okay. Alot of my anxieties have to do with larger life issues. I'm at the age where friends are getting married, and I'm just kinda puttering along just getting by. I get scared when I think of the future and how I would cope without my parents, etc. I currently live with them and they help alot in terms of providing meals. When I thinking of working a full time job and doing all the housework, cooking, etc... i get overwhelmed and don't think I can do it.
Any advice?? I know that this is fairly long-winded posting. I can honestly say that this has been on my mind, even if just a little bit, every day for the past 5 years and with it always comes a sense of dread. Am i alone??
I was having a reasonablly good week. Getting through my stuff at work, feeling pretty motivated, getting some exercise. Then today came along and I feel so out-of-it. I feel like there's a layer between me and the world. But it's not because I'm in my own head, its like I'm just checked out. I get this often. I know that by the end of the week I'm bored of work. But I often complain that I'm bored. I find that alot of the time, things don't grab and hold my attention. It takes work on most days to stay focused and connected and not check-out. Does anyone else feel this way?
Thanks for the suggestions! To give you some background, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression over the past 5 years. I was put on effexor many years ago and it helped for about a year and then it was a nightmare when I tried to come off of it. I've been slowly tapering off over the past year and switching to cipralex. It's going okay. I think primarily I have generalized anxiety. And when I get in a negative mood I just feel fake thinking positive things and very unauthentic. I try new hobbies but I don't really ever "feel" anything. I know I have to keep trying and to try to just be curious about stuff. The only time I can have a good time is when I'm with friends and I get out of my head. I'm really bad with uncertainty and I know I have to raise my tolerance around uncertainty. When you have anxiety its hard to know if you want to do something or not, because your body might be telling you not too. Its frustrating. Sorry for my whining...
Thanks for the input. It seems like I have this chronic pessimistic/negative attitude. When thinking of writing 3 things I wish to do this week, I think to myself that "I don't feel like doing anything", but I do do stuff because sitting around complaining isn't going to help. Sometimes I feel like why bother because I never feel good. I know that I have to disregard these negative thoughts, but its really hard when you are so used to thinking and feeling this way. I try new hobbies and I often think, do I like this? I don't really know always when I enjoy myself. Does this make any sense at all.
Despite all this, I plug on. I work 5 days a week and contribute to societ and help others. I don't want to be this self-absorbed and think about me, me, me, because I know that there are many people with way bigger things to deal with than me.
I'm so sorry about your sister. I know she would probably want you to live your life fully, so glad you're here and learning to manage anxiety one step at a time. It is a vicious circle, in that you have anxiety when doing something and you immediately associate it with that activity, or person, etc. But the more things you cut out of your life, the harder it will be to do anything. So my advice is to keep challenging yourself. It's all about building up your body's stress tolerance or tolerance to uncertainty. I now you'll be back to doing all the things you used to soon. Be patient with yourself, and realize that all though panic may seem scary, remind yourself that their just physical sensations. Your body is percieving a threat, and so goes into fight-or-flight response. But there's really no threat.
Hey everyone. I'm freaking out right now. I found out that I got into a graduate school program that I applied for and I got a big scholarship for it. I've been up for only 2 hours so far, but I'm already exhausted from my mind/nervous system working overtime. I wouldn't have to move until the fall, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to function with this anxiety level until then. How is it that something that I thought I wanted to do, now seems like not a great option for me.
Usually I just get going with my week and my usual routine (work,gym, etc). I just feel so out of it and so anxious right now. It seems like so much work to not think of this anxiety and to try to focus on other things. That's always a problem for me, to try and get out of my mind and focus on things. Yoga helps me sometimes. i went to the gym this morning but didn't really help much.
I just don't know how I'll be able to focus while having a high level of anxiety. And if I physically shut down and have to come home, I'll feel horrible??
I really do appreciate the support. Its taking a lot of energy out of me today. Its 1pm and i feel like sleeping.
I haven't really challenged myself like this in a LONG time. I've been living in the same city and doing pretty much the same job for almost 5 years now. Today I just felt so anxious, paranoid, just plain weird all day. Don't know how I could handle all of this in a new city without my usual supports.
That is awesome advice :) Its true that if I'm in a positive/happy mood, I interpret this energy (aka; anxiety) in a very different way. When I was in my undergrad, it used to drive me to compete, excel, achieve, etc. But now I'm putting a negative spin on it probably because of what i view as past failure (past... meaning the last 2-3 years). No real failures - only my mind writing stories. I'm going to be excited about this, even if its just for today.
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