I'm new. I've just finished my second year of giving up alcohol over Lent (last year I was perfect - this time I had two slips). I'd like to continue that abstention. I think of myself as a binge drinker. I know I would be happier without alcohol but sometimes I need someone to turn to. I'm not a joiner. I have no interest in AA. I want to do this on my own with a support group I choose. I hope I will find those sorts of resources on this website.
Hi Ashley, thanks so much for checking in. I'm doing well. No drinking. A couple of minor, short urges that were ok to handle. I'm feeling good. Thanks for caring. Maggie
Hi Dave, thanks for getting in touch - it is comforting to know there are people out there to turn to. I abstained from alcohol last year over Lent for the first time. It was primarily to create a connection to my parents, especially my Dad, who were Catholics and who always abstained over Lent. I found that it was easier than I had expected because there was a purpose and a timeframe. This year it was a bit harder but I mostly succeeded. So I have managed now to feel that abstention is almost a habit if you know what I mean. I've reached a period where there aren't constant urges. I found the hints on this website were very helpful, and were approaches I've taken in the past. I find thinking about health and respect and calories (!) is all helpful. I find the bad urges are the ones that sneak up on you - one minute you're out buying a loaf of bread and the next the desire for a beer at a sidewalk cafe in the sunshine! Those are the hardest. I try to put it off for 15 minutes or until I get home or whatever. In BC liquor stores are open until 11 pm. I tell myself that if I still want a drink at 10:45 I can go buy something. By the time that happens, the urge is gone. I'm not saying this is a walk in the park but it's not terrible. I am heading to Toronto to visit old friends at the end of May and I'm already trying to work out my strategy to avoid drinking. Again, thanks for checking in. It is a comfort. Maggie
Hi Dave, that is an excellent article. Fortunately, I've learned not to beat myself up over a slip; instead, I recommit myself and am kind to myself. As to learning new behaviours, I have a little confession. As a kid (one of 7 children), I never made my bed. My mother didn't have the strength to make us. That habit continued into my adulthood. About 6 months ago, I decided to make my bed each morning. It got me into a routine where as I make the bed I also open the curtains and blinds in my room so my room is brighter during the day. Over the past week or so, I realized my bed was made and I had almost no memory of doing it. It's now a habit. I like the part in the article where the author says that each time we don't give in to an urge, we weaken the synapses that led us to have the urge and to capitulate. I believe I've noticed that when I've had long periods of sobriety. Thanks for posting that. Maggie
Hi Coco, for what it's worth, I understand your situation. I'm approximately your age (63) and living in a new city where I have some friends but not many - they all drink although not to excess. Drinking at night was my pattern too. Probably boredom more than loneliness. Once I have one drink, despite my initial intention, I rarely can have only one - I usually drank to the point of passing out/blackout. I really do find some comfort in the "one day at a time" approach - I find it far easier to not drink today than to not drink for the rest of my life. Sometimes it's even "one hour at a time". I promise myself I can have a drink in an hour if I still feel I need it. When I get to the end of the hour, the craving is gone. Getting out of the house at night might be a good thing if you can find a non-alcohol type activity - gym, library, walk, volunteering, etc. to keep you occupied. But I know it isn't easy. I'm very willing to be a support for you if that helps at all.
Hi Ashley, thanks for checking in. For sure there are so many advantages to not drinking - you sleep better, you're more proud of yourself, you're losing weight and looking healthier, you're saving money, you remember everything you did last night (or at least as much as a 63 year old remembers!) and you feel so much more in control of you life. There really isn't anything good about drinking. The only time I panic slightly is when I imagine never, ever, having a drink again. But then I pull it back, remind myself that it's just today I should abstain and I can do whatever I want tomorrow. It's working so far. I will say I'm snacking on sweets too much but I'm going to get that under control.
Thanks Dave. I have a few coping mechanisms in my quiver - I plan on bringing a bunch of Perrier with me! I also think it's important to "ground" yourself prior to these events. I need to spend some time a few hours before I go out just doing a body scan or a meditation to remind myself, deep inside, how important this is to me. I have a family wedding as well. There will be a lot of unhealthy drinking at that event. However, I find with that group, seeing how really badly off they all are, I can stay sober very easily. If you've ever tried to lose weight, you'll understand how you can look at someone who is morbidly obese and it just reconfirms how you have to stick to the diet. That's how that particular family group has always struck me - like watching The Days of Wine and Roses in the very worst parts. So I think I'll be ok. Had a dinner out and a theatre show last night with friends and they had wine but I ordered a large bottle of San Pellegrino and that was just fine. Still sober! Maggie
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