Thank you for replying sharing that foxman . I am reading th BB now but truthfully i will have to read it again . i am sober and reality is setting in . feelings i have ran from emotions fears etc.so i feel like my brain isnt fully absorbing it. After reading all my past diary entries i just truthfully am feeling low. how could i have possible drank after those nights ? do i really dislike myself that much? but no its im an an alcoholic i am , after the first drink obsession of drinking sets in and i just want to get drunk and it is the hardest thing to stop . i cant think about life with out alcohol (although i see its possible) truthfully i feel so down that i have done this for over 15years . I will be 34 soon and i look back at what i have accomplished other then black outs and messing up.and now i feel like i am feeling sorry for myself ...ahhhh i need to learn to control and deal with my emotions and feelings. sorry if i am scattered its been like this for the last 11 days. But yes those entries really really opened a door today.
Hello everyone
After reading some posts here today I decided to go through my Diary results and entries and seeing as I started back here in 2010 I wanted to read my past entries and wow ,lf there is any doubt about me having an issue with alcohol that is gone as of now. I have read my entries and same old pattern, Got hammered , embarrassed myself one way or another , started fights and arguments , tons of black outs and of course the whole emotional hang over ...guilt ,shame, crying ...vowing that i will not drink again.I feel so scared right now as its day 11 and seeing as i have gone through this cycle for so long. I have decided to print it and carry it with me to remind me why i am sober..so when i get an urge i will take it out and read it. what an eye opener .
