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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 16

Thanks for the reply ~ Barry is amazing & I know this is going to help both of us x

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Rosie40-- I've had the same experience. My husband and I are closer now than we've been in years and I'm finding I am handling everything better. It's amazing when you look at the change even a little time brings/heals!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 16

My husband is virtually a teetotaller & one of the things I am looking forward to about this whole process is the improvement in our relationship as it is a major bone of contention ~ keep going!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi Barb,

Congrats on your 30 days AF. After one week AF, I already feel the difference in my relationship as my GF is also a heavy drinker. She reduced a lot since I stop but it is hard for me to kiss her when she drinks and also to get intimate when we are in a total mindset.

Stay strong on your side and things should move for the best.

Take care

Marty

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Barb,

Well done on 33 days AF! I understand your dilemma as I lived the same scenario the first time I abstained for two years. My husband respected my choice and I respected his choice to continue to drink. I never bugged him about it. He didn't drink around me when we were alone, he would go into the garage, drink, smoke and read. (I also didn't smoke so no smoking in the house:) The only request I made was that when he drank, he had to sleep in a different room. Funny thing, after awhile, he slowly started drinking less and less (and smoking less and less). He never quit and I didn't care because he had turned into a moderate drinker with the odd binge. Turns out, he liked sleeping in his own bed...imagine that!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Hi Barb,

I am sorry to hear about this. It sounds like you are confused and worried about your husband. Talk to him about it honestly and ask him how he wants to be supported. That is really all you can do. It has to be his choice and his effort if he wants to get sober. Perhaps your success will inspire him - congratulations on over 30 days now.

Did you already reward yourself? Perhaps a celebration of some kind is in order (alcohol free of course)

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Barb,

He sounds like he's scared he'll have to stop drinking because you are stopping. He's trying to push you back in so he's not alone. Does he realize he has a problem? Did he think you did or was it you that decided you both needed a change? My husband and I did a dance like this for quite a while. He stopped wanting to party and I didn't. It caused a lot of problems and it was ME that was causing them because I didn't see I needed to stop and get control of my life. You are trying to do the right thing (just like my husband) BUT--your husband has to decide for himself that he needs to change also. Counseling is a great idea but, he will be just as lonely partying alone as you will be sober alone. You are a team. Maybe you put it to him that way.....that this is an opportunity to help each other and make your marriage stronger! I can't tell you how glad I am that I finally got my priorities straight. This site has save my sanity, life and made my family stronger. You will find support and friends here. Perhaps....your husband might see things a little clearer if you have him do some reading of posts on here...he might just see himself. Just a thought. But, counseling is a great idea. Marriages are a precious, special thing. True love is so hard to find and when we find it we have to hang on to it. Good luck and hang in there. You're doing the right thing!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 16

Hope you are ok x

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Barb,

Counselling is a great idea. Hopefully it pushes him in the right direction. Your example can go a long way and perhaps will be a catalyst for him making a change. It sounds like you hit the nail on the head....he very well be trying to disconnect from the reality of your honesty by drinking. Change is a scary thing, especially when that change will eliminate his primary coping strategy. How has today been? A tricky question with it being the weekend.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

This is a very common problem with couples when one of them awakens but the other does not. Be strong. Try to address your emotional stability. Visit one of the local AA meetings. Once you understand the powerlessness and un-manageability you will see how it impacts everybody else. Until your husband realizes that he needs to quit and initiate the recovery process, you can't do anything. All you can do is, focus on you and hope that will help him see that there is another way of life. My wife, counselor, friends couldn't convince me that I had a problem, I had to find my own bottom. You could only pray.

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