Thanks Vincenza, Charmain, Smiles, and Marylizy. It feels good to get congratulations from other people who I know are going through the same thing.
Vincenza - you asked about why I'm afraid of relapsing at 6 months. Well that's pretty much been my pattern in the last three years - I get 3 or 6 months and I relapse. I once made it to 9 months and I relapsed. I think it's because by that time, the memory of how awful I feel drinking has faded and I just remember that it helps me to numb out and to not feel - and a lot of the time I want to escape my feelings, don't really know how to deal with them completely yet. The DBT program I did gave me a lot more and better skills for learning to tolerate and regulate my emotions in healthier ways, and I clearly remember how just sad I was the last time I relapsed.
What am I doing to protect myself? i'm going to be extra vigilant about thoughts about drinking in the next month and make sure I talk to people about them. I'm going to stay on my antabuse, and I won't drink while on that - did that a couple of times, and have no desire to repeat that experiment. I'm going to keep going to AA meetings and posting here and on a couple of other recovery sites I use, and continue to read reovery literature daily. I also remind myself that I'm going back to school in Sept. and I don't want anything to screw that up for me. I see it as my best chance to get my life back on track.
Advice for others. Never give up trying. Whether your goal is abstinance or moderation - just don't give up trying, if you slip stop and get back on track as quickly as you can, and don't be afraid to ask for help. That was my problem for a long time - being afriad to ask for help.
Hope everyone has a good 24 hours.
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