I'll cheer to that. I also feel the same. I don't want to be a half person. I want to be and live the full me and show my kids, especially, their mom is a full person, always there for them. Now they have the felings they have to take care of their mom. I am too young for that. lol

Amen, HP!! Your words are exactly how I feel!

Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone. 30 days and counting, and it gets easier because at the very least I've broken the habit (although I still get the cravings). I'm not worried about New Year's eve. We don't have anything planned except maybe a movie with the kids. Popcorn and a fizzy drink (other than champagne!) should do it for me this year. I like being at my best each morning when I wake up - or if I do wake up feeling lousy at least I don't feel guilty as well because I did it to myself. I'm doing everything I can to be healthy and to give myself a chance to live my life fully. The lack of embarrassment, guilt and fatigue in the morning and throughout the day has been one of the most motivating factors. I've got a lot to give my family, and myself and I've been only half the person I could be because of alcohol. I'm sick of it. Here's to a new year full of promise!

congratulations HP....I love the non drinker idea. I am planning on starting AA in January and hope I can be successful. Good luck to you and thanks for all the good ideas...Happy New Year..

Congrats HP on making it through the most difficult time of the year. You are truly very strong. Merry Christmas!!

Vincenza, Health Educator

25 days without, and the biggest success is that as of today, I have officially made it through Christmas at my parents' place with my family, without a single drink. I fortunately (?) came down with a cold prior to the visit so could legitimately tell people I didn't feel up to it. Really being able to feel myself - physically, as well as mentally/emotionally - I realized how often I used alcohol to numb pain on all fronts. I want to start by being healthy, and feeling energetic from day to day. Not drinking will help in that goal. And as for the mental / emotional pain and stress, I want to know I have other resources in me to deal with them - resources that don't make the situation worse. So far so good. Someone on one of the forums said that the problem with us is that we forget the humiliation of our previous experience and think we can dive back in. I had my moment of humiliation / disgust, when my dad mentioned that he had gone out and bought a case of wine because I was coming, and at the end of 3 days of our whole family together, the case was nearly still full!! (NB: my dad drinks his brew-your-own wine - 1 - 2 bottles a night-  but gets store bought wine for my sister and me because he knows my sister won't drink his wine - it's terrible! - although I'll usually drink anything.) I guess the realization was that normally I would have drank all that wine. Ironically 1 - 2 bottles a night, just like Dad. I looked at that full box at the end of the visit and realized how when I used to think we were all drinking and having fun, I was the one over-doing it. Others must just have been having a few drinks and I was guzzling down whole bottles. That nearly full box was like a punch in the gut. I didn't know I was that bad and never want to be again. So I'm chastened but proud that I've made it this far. I am going to store up these feelings: the humiliations and the successes and use them to keep abstaining. I've given myself the best Christmas gift I could by spending the last few days with family sober, able to remember everything and fully be there for everything. It's an even better gift to my kids. Merry Christmas, everyone.