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My trip to the detox center

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My trip to the detox center

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

it is very difficult to convince the spouses that if we are alcoholics, we have no control over the things we do related to booze. hope your spouse is open minded and tries al-anon or other alcoholics support groups. you may visit AAs online site and read the book called AA on-line. Read the preface, forwards, Doctors Opinion, Bill Story and see if you can relate to what is included there.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi Kelly,

Congratulations, today is 2 weeks! I hope all is well with you and the treatments are still helping. I wanted you to know that reading your posts has helped me realize a lot of things in myself. Although I have not yet lost any important people in my life, I have came close, and can see how easily it can happen if I were to stay on the same track. I have, however, lost many nights and weekends to drinking and blackouts, when I could have been doing something much more productive. And it's good to know that sleeping may return to normal eventually. I work a full time job and was up until 1am last night, then awake at 4am... now I'm at work and very very tired. I wish you all the best and keep on posting, it helps more than you know.

jewlz

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Kelly,

Congrats on 13 days sober - this is an amazing accomplishment not just for the act itself, but for all the wisdom and lessons you have learned from taking on this journey.

It is great to see that you are feeling more comfortable and optimistic and that you have come to terms with some of the unpleasant experiences that alcohol brought to your life.

You have made some profound connections and have a lot of great insight which I am certain will be valuable not only to yourself, but anyone else reading your post - especially newbies.

Keep looking forward and lean on us for support!

Faryal, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Things are going really well for me in the treatment program. I'm on day 12 of being sober and I'm really not having any cravings which is very surprising. The self examination is getting easier by the day. I still have some mood issues which is to be expected as I am now re-learning how to deal with stress and anxiety and... life.

Sleeping is getting easier and so is eating (I didn't eat enough while I was drinking). The nightmares are going away and I am more able to control my thoughts. It takes a lot of effort but I figure, eventually, I will be able to control my moods and thoughts to where I am empowered and motivated, rather than miserable and self destructive. Getting up early every morning, having breakfast, going to treatment everyday is a great routine and helps enormously with the boredom. Talking to the group and hearing their experiences reminds me that I am not alone and so many people go through this pain and come out the other side.

I am still sad about the way alcohol has robbed me of some very precious people/ parts of my life but what's gone is gone. There are some relationships I will never be able to repair and some that need to end now because they would threaten my sobriety. They say in treatment "your rear view mirror is much smaller than your windshield for a reason". You can't move forward while always looking back.

I realize now how crucial it is to have support when you are an addict becoming healthy. Being alone would not have gotten me this result. I am very grateful that I found this treatment center and the strength to give it my all.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Kelly,

Ten days is amazing. This is hard now but it's important for you to go through this. This healing and recovery process will be very difficult but it's important to address everything that has gone on in your life while you were addicted. It will get better and you will be so thankful you went through it. It sounds like a great program.

Keep posting. We are so proud of you!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Well I had my first day in treatment. It's not easy but it's a great program. It deals with a lot of internal issues and that is really what I need right now. I have been sober for 10 days now so the emotions are very intense. I have done a lot of crying today. We talked about shame and guilt and how our previous life experiences have shaped our self image. We also talked about self forgiveness. I'm a little too worn our tonight to elaborate further but I will keep posting and try to share information that could be helpful. I am feeling very low right now but not craving alcohol as I am very clear that it has caused me so much of the pain I am dealing with right now. Going to treatment everyday I'm sure will reinforce this belief. I hope that this awful feeling I have right now is just temporary as I cannot imagine living this way. I know I need to forgive myself for my mistakes but it's hard right now. They said to start small.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Kelly,

You are right that was exactly what I was thinking. You are a very strong, positive person. Yes, you have made mistakes while you were addicted but not everyone has the strength to face those mistakes. You do and you are doing everything you can to get well. You may not like yourself right now, or what you have done in the past, but that will change. With each day you stay sober and make good choices the more you will love yourself and your new life. One day you will be able to forgive yourself and you will be so proud of the person you have become. You will be able to see clearly how you truly are a strong person and how amazing it is that you are facing this!

Keep in mind your mood will go through quite an adjustment as your body becomes well. It will be more difficult to see things positively but know that it will pass. I think it is very important that you recognized honesty is a value of yours. You are on your way to living an authentic life. For you to recognize that and then act on changing yourself even during this difficult time is inspiring. I know you may not believe me right now but you have inspired me today.

You must tell us how the out patient program is and what skills you learn.

Stay strong.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Thanks Ashley,

I'm feeling pretty good physically. Mentally, I am a little down as I face reality and all it's hardships. I am getting a lot of support and I feel a major change has taken place inside me. It's not pleasant to think back on all the mistakes, embarassing moments, destroyed relationships, and missed opportunities I've suffered from being a drunk but that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess. I just keep thinking about the women I saw who were much further down the hole and try to feel grateful that that isn't me.

The detox was more of a spiritual education than a structured one so the learning I did was about myself and not about alcohol abuse and specific strategies to deal with it. I will be attending an out patient program starting Wed which I'm hoping will include more counseling and such. I'll let you know how that goes.

What I did learn is that I have a big problem with honesty in my life. Drinking leads to lying which leads to guilt which leads to more drinking. I drank myself into another reality where I was not accountable for anything. I used to be quite strict with my moral ethics but booze washed them away over time. I'm making efforts everyday to be honest even about tiny things.

I did a lot of damage to my life in the past year. It will take time to get over that. I felt really bad yesterday so I made a list of all the good thing I have in my life, which helped. I've made mistakes that are probably still "in the mail" so I 'll have to deal with them without alcohol but I'm trying to view that as opportunities to make myself stronger.

You'll probably read all this and say "you are a very strong, positive person". I'm actually very scared and sad and feeling small. I;m ashamed of the things I've done to myself and to others. I feel a lot of regret and I'm worried about everything. I'm hoping this will pass over time.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Kelly,

Thank you so much for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes and I am truly thankful that you went through this. I know it was hard for you but this could be what you needed to save yourself. You seem like a very strong, intelligent woman, you will over come this. Please remember your experience at the detox center and use it to stay well. You deserve so much more in life.

How are you doing now? What else did you learn in detox?

Keep posting!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

I just wanted to share my experience of spending 3 days at a detox center this past week in the hopes that it may help someone.

Even though I had been attending AA meetings I continued having great difficulty in not touching alcohol. Almost like my brain was rebelling against the concept of quitting, I drank even more. I was getting so fed up with the shame and frustration of not being able to quit. I starting drinking in the morning and continued all day. I finally checked myself into a detox center for women. I arranged for my friends to pick me up at 3pm on wed. When they called me in the morning I was already drunk so they came to get me right away. By then the alcohol was in charge and I began to fight. I wound up in the hospital to be sedated before I could be admitted to the detox.

I spent 3 days lying in a bed seeing other women suffer from withdrawal and even seizures. Some women had no one to go home to or call and some no home at all. This was an extremely powerful experience for me for 3 reasons.

1. I got to detox without the chance of getting any alcohol.

2. My friends, family, boyfriend now know how sick I really am and they are all supporting me.

3. The most important... I got to see where alcohol abuse leads and it was very scary.

I cry when I think about the women who have lost their friends and family and homes and are so sick they couldn't even eat or get out of bed for the entire time I was there. I DO NOT want to end up there. I know that I was on that path and I feel very lucky to have been able to see into the future to make an informed choice to stop drinking.

If you feel like you can't quit cause the cravings and withdrawal are to strong please consider going to a detox center. It's not a pleasant experience but it might just scare you straight. They will also help you to get into a program suitable for you to continue your treatment. You can either stay in house or go to out patient treatment. I live in Canada so this was all covered by OHIP I'm not sure how it works in the US.

I hope this helps someone...

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My trip to the detox center