I have always enjoyed drinking alcohol,it relaxes me and I feel happy.I have been increasing my drinking gradually this year as a way of coping.I have had a lot of bad things happen in the last few years.I thought I was strong and doing well,but clearly my increased intake of alcohol proves this isn't true.I live abroad and sometimes feel very alone,my husband is happy here and thinks I will be fine!All my kids went back to the UK seeking work.I am left with one daughter who I worship,she now is leaving after her degree.I feel so alone my husband doesn't see this as an issue.He has the attitude that I'm just having a bad day if I express my unhappiness.I had breast cancer 5 years ago,and coped well with all the problems chemo/radiotherapy etc.I DO worry about it coming back,and feel my lifestyle isn't helping matters!!I couldn't work during the treatment so lost a lot of money,but booze is cheap here so I was able to continue to drink every night almost.My lovely Dad died very suddenly it was devastating.I had to keep going back to the UK to help Mum out who went downhill mentally and physically too.She eventually died too,so hard to lose my two 'rocks' in 18 months!Stress just got worse trying to empty their home of all they had.I felt/still feel awful.The house is now for sale and been left to me,but I feel it's all been for nothing!I miss my parents so much in spite of having a husband and daughter still around.My husband also drinks and I feel we enable each other and it's nice and sociable!!He doesn't see it as a danger or an issue,sweeping my fears under the carpet.I think he really doesn't want me to stop in case I ask HIM to do the same.I have just had my bloods done for the Oncology check up and see my GGT levels are really high along with a few more slightly elevated.This now proves I AM doing damage.I'm scared now and want to stop for good.I'm good at stopping by the way occasionally for 3 weeks or so (and feel great) but think it's safe to resume, and end up not sticking to less units and binge drinking.I do not drink during the day,trigger times are usually before evening meals etc.I know I'm harming myself but my inner voice just keeps me being stupid!!!I have never felt so unhappy...I feel that I should run away and stay alone for a while maybe that would help?