Good morning Fritz. Well, one thing is 100 per cent certain. You've come to a forum of alcoholics who are at various stages in their addiction. If you read through some of the posts, you'll get an idea of what I mean. There is no one right answer or piece of advice that is going to resolve your alcohol dependency like a "silver bullet." That said, you will receive solace knowing that you are not alone and that nothing you have done or will do while intoxicated will surprise the majority of us. I pray a lot, but that is my way of coping with this crippling disease, anxiety and depression. I am sure you will hear (well, I mean see other posts) from others. Nice meeting you electronically.