Hello virtual friends! I wanted to post about something that happened over the weekend.
My hubby and I went to a friend's house where we used to really party it up... me especially. I was so afraid. I brought a huge cup (you couldn't see inside it) filled with seltzer and juice. As soon as I came in, my friends started making fun of my drink. I felt like it was my shield, and I clung to it. It felt good to defend myself, but it was scary at the same time.
When my drink was gone, someone was there immediately to shake my ice in my cup and say "OK, COME ON!" So I got myself a glass of white wine and resumed watching everyone else (except my hubby) drink a lot.
Then we had an awesome gourmet dinner. It was so easy to sit and watch my wine glass and have good conversation. I occasionally took a teeny sip, and as soon as my glass was getting low, my friend filled it up. (sigh) We continued to chat and I realized that by this time everyone around me was too drunk to care about me drinking anymore.
The crazy part comes now. I didn't realize the subtle changes in people when they have a few drinks. My friends were drunk, but not nearly out of control or bombed, and they were DIFFERENT. My daughter was with us, and it reminded me of when I was a kid and our family would visit with relatives. After a couple hours, everyone but my folks would change, not in a good way. It was scary for us kids, and now I see that I had done that very thing to my child. It is subtle, like I said, but the change is there. I don't want this for my child, and I don't want to put her in these situations.
I poured my second glass of wine down the sink when no one was looking, and we packed up. By this time, my friends were swearing in front of my daughter, and I was embarrassed. What a night of reflection and motivation. They coerced us into taking a jug of sangria home with us, and we poured it down the drain the next day.
There is beer in my fridge and I have no desire at all for it. Every time I see alcohol I hear a voice in my head that says "I am powerless over you." It has helped me a lot with my false confidence about drinking.
Thank you for listening to my story.... and for being there to support me. Knowing I was going to check in here helped me a lot that night.