AHHHH Here I am on the 18th of January.
I forgot to post yesterday about my 11 month anniversary. I have just been very busy at work. Also, just a bit under the weather. I think that very combination is a huge part in what has gone on with me. Also getting back from a once in a life time experience and I haven't set up another goal, another reward, another really pleasurable experience. I did today get my home computer fixed and I can write very nice DVD presentations of the pictures we took while away. That felt good.
There is also a corner of my psychie that wonders at having come this far. I never really thought I would make it, other than knowing I would not be able to breath if I didn't quit.
If any of you are into body symptoms and emotional content, this thing seems to be centred in my lungs and that is the seat of sadness, grief, lose. I have posted about this briefly in other threads. For me there is a compontent in this quit of getting my life back into my realm of influence. For me to be in charge, not the addict. I have to say that there are piece of great lose at what I didn't live for 36 years. There is a blooming sense of joy at seeing the life that I can and have been able tolive.
I truly belive that we can stray to the happy, positive and cheerful side and work or try to dig our heels in there and until we will slide around until we have truly dealt with the other aspects of life and the life that we have given up in order to follow the addiction. So if any of you are familiar with 12 step programs this seems to me to be like steps 7 to 10. Which to me are about taking responsibility and finding forgiveness for the transgessions of the addict.
Sorry to be so heavy and my mind is there at this moment. A moment I have taken off in order to post here and work to remain connected and part in this particular Stop Smoking Forum. I wonder right now at what for me is a time of introspection and a time of finding and being in the life I really want to live.
So what am I doing to get through, to get on with my life? I am booking swim meets for this upcoming year. Paris in May? San Francisco in September? Rome in August? The question becomes which ones I want to go to, what I will complete in and how I will holiday around the event.
