Kristen:
That is huge...You should certainly reward yourself. This is an awful addiction. But seeking cessation does have its own benefits. That is, benefits beyond the fact that you will lessen the chance of suffering a debilitating disease down the road.
For me anyway, quitting forced me to look at myself in a way that I never had before. We smoke for a reason. Nobody goes out, rolls up some weeds in a piece of paper, lights it and inhales the fumes on a lark. No, humans are a very pragmatic lot. We do things for reasons, we develop patterns of behavior for a reason and we become addicted for a reason.
Have you ever looked at the physiology behind nicotine use? It is quite an eye opener. Understanding what I was getting from smoking helped me immensely. Once you understand the circular nature of the addiction, you will begin to develop behavior patterns that will take you straight to cessation island. You will develop coping mechanisms that will help you stave off the inevitable need to begin the circle once again. And once you teach yourself how to cut old man nicotine off at the pass, you will find that it becomes deeply ingrained in your nature. Eventually, you will do these things for yourself without even thinking about it. And when you do you will wonder why you ever smoked at all.
Don't get me wrong, it is not always easy, but I can assure you that the effort is well worth the doing. I believe, and this is only me, that people use cigarettes as a kind of anti-depressant. Smoking, for some, is self-administered therapy.
Now I am not saying that this is true in your case. I have no way of knowing that. But I know it was for me and so I can only speak to you from my own experience. But one thing I will tell you is this. You must be very honest with yourself. Try to identify the situations that trigger your need for nicotine. Now remember, that the drug has its own half life in your system and it will always tell you when it is time to reload. But beyond that there are people, places and things in our lives, that call us to smoke. There are situations that carry high risks for the addict. These are the things that you must identify for your self, and then develop a plan to defeat the reaction before it arises. It may occur to you down the road that this addiction is like a prison. The odd thing about it is, however, that we are both the jailer and the prisoner. We must find the courage and wisdom to ask ourselves for the key.
In any case, just continue forward, you are making fine progress. Stay here and communicate with these good folks. You will find some with whom you will resonate , pay attention to that. Remember that you can help others here, simply by listening and responding. In that way you will not only receive the support you need, but also give that support back to others. And thats a pretty good thing...
stay well
nonic
Wishing you only rainbows ahead!
