One of the things that I have been interested in since I started this journey, oh so many hears ago, is the multitude of smoking associations that have been made in our minds. When we first quit we are reminded almost constantly that we smoked when we performed certain tasks, or at certain times of the day. Some of these associations have quickly disappeared for me. For instance, I always made sure that I had smokes in my purse before I left the house. I haven't once in 36 days checked my purse to check. I don't know why, but that association left instantly. It took probably 3 weeks before 'have a smoke' was not the first thought I had when I woke up in the morning. Now it's my 3rd or 4th thought. When I left work for the day, as soon as I was able, I would light a cigarette. Now it is sometimes 5 minutes before I think about it.
I judge my progression in quitting, by being alert to the fact that these associations are not so automatic anymore. I enjoy when I can say, "hey, I haven't thought about smoking for 1 hour." For the most parts thinking about smoking is to do the automatic associations we have made in order to service our addiction. When we quit smoking, those thoughts are no longer unconscious, they are conscious thoughts, which is part of why it is so difficult to quit. When I have a smoking thought, I try and figure out why I thought about it just then. Was it because of a triggering association made based on the time of day or a task? Those thoughts and much easier to dismiss and carry on.
I have noticed that those thoughts associated with triggering emotions, such as anger and anxiety, are a lot harder to dismiss. Yesterday, I was anxious about being late for an appointment. I started thinking, 'stop and get some smokes, and you will get through this easier.' I quickly realized how utterly ridiculous that argument was, by acknowledging what emotion I was presently experiencing and why, and then how I could cope with this emotion and the thoughts I should be thinking instead. I thought about how much more anxious I would feel if I was smoking, and stopping to get cigarettes would make me even more late. After waiting for the doctor for more than an hour (even though I was late), I was able to see how smoking would not have changed anything, but get me smoking again - and I would still have been anxious about being late.
Nicotine addiction caused me to make false justifications in order to keep me smoking. It is hard though when you realize just how much you were lying to yourself, and the sometimes huge and daunting task it is to reverse those thoughts, but I persevere.
My Milage:My Quit Date: 2/5/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 36
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 720
Amount Saved: $345.60
Life Gained:Days: 3
Hrs: 21
Mins: 29
Seconds: 43
........Keep the Quit
