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Mixed feelings about the holidays..

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Mixed feelings about the holidays..

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 985

I just love the holidays. Hanukkah starts tomorrow night and I've really noticed how much I've been distracting myself from smoking, and distracting myself from the grieving process with my dad's passing. I almost feel guilty ..weird huh? Guilty about celebrating a holiday.. happy re my quit.. It's just been a very strange few weeks with my emotions. Yes, I've cried so much for my dad during his illness, and when the word came that he died and then off and on all this week... But still I feel like I'm almost avoiding a proper grieving period for myself. I'm concentrating on my quit.. feeling good about it and yes, have had my share of craves -- sometimes super strong.. But now with the holidays. My in-laws didn't even mention them because they thought I wouldn't be up to it or even interested, but I am. Is that wrong? Can you all tell I'm confused??! In the confusion I'm doing tons of breathing exercises and trying to really be 'up'! I'm almost manic..doing and going...It's totally exhausting! Ok.. well,, I'm going to be on, just not as much Fri.,,and Sat..15th and 16th. Wish me luck! Happy Holidays ! Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 44 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 894 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $396 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 985

Thanks Ros and Windy, Both of your posts had very important pieces of advice and I very much appreciate them. I did in fact write a good bye letter to cigarettes in the 1st week of my quit - Plus, I wrote a good bye letter almost a week to the day that my dad died. I think I was thinking that I wasn't doing the 'proper' thing in some respect. I have to ease up on myself and just go along and when the times come to cry, laugh, giggle, become hysterical or whatever other emotion hits me -- well then just go with it when it arrives. Ok.. I'm tired .. and it's definitely time for sleep, but now going to sleep feeling a little bit more unconfused (a word??). Thanks again :) Night, Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 44 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 898 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $396 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 985

Josie, You are so sweet. Thank you... I'm just feeling really concerned about how much I'm doing and going and it's so constant. That's where the exhaustion comes into play and I have had a fair amount of time to myself but in that time I'm still looking for distractions..I mean it's so constant and I'm so very tired. I think I'm afraid that suddenly I'm going to crash and burn. I can't stop my mind from thinking 'ugly' thoughts.. images of my dad etc., so I can't just sit quietly you know because that's when I get the flood of negativity. I don't even know if I am making sense. Then come the craves... oh so super and so hard -- I am very prepared for those and have been successful. It all just seems so harried and nuts right now. I'm not feeling depressed - more manic though. And as I said in my first post, the guilt of any happiness (re holiday's), the feeling of being proud re the quit. It's like I'm not allowed to have these feelings since dad died.. or at least until I grieve properly. Yet another ramble.. Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 44 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 897 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $396 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 4

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 985

'Morning :) I woke up this morning and I the 1st thought I had about all of these feelings were that I was just putting far too much pressure on myself. I am releasing all of these negative feelings about the way I should act, should feel and just be! I've got a lot of things to let go of and simply concentrate on all the good things - no matter how few of them exist in my world.. I shall embrace my quit, my hobbies, the smile on hubby's face when I cook him his favourite dinner etc etc (so many etc's!) :) I'm going to have a happy holiday and it's my 1st smoke free holiday ever ! :) :) I'm having an extra glass of wine with dinner this evening. I just needed to think through all of my feelings and get some positive reinforcements from my good friends here. Love and hugs, Monica58 xo [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 45 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 906 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $405 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2631

Monica - Isn't it amazing how hard we can be on ourselves. We even blame ourselves for not grieving properly. You have cried many many tears and there will be a time when you cry again. There will be memories and experiences that trigger memories. You have lost your Dad and you are conquering a very harsh addiction. You have every right to keep yourself distracted. Cherish every single moment of happiness that comes your way. If Hannukah makes you happy, please be happy! You are a wonderful person and we wish you tons and tons of happiness! Windy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 94 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,898 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $470 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2631

Happy Hannukah Monica! So glad that you had time to put things into perspective and to "give" yourself permission to cherish every single happy experience that comes your way. You have doe sooooooooo well! Windy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 95 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,917 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $475 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3908

M My wife is going through 'Family hell'right now and she has never smoked. It occurred to me that if she was quitting it might give her something else to think anout rather than the current issues? Its a thought! Phil xx [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 129 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,711 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �677.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2838

Wishing you a Happy Hanukkah, Monica. Enjoy yourself throughout the holidays without stressing. Get lots of rest and be nice to Monica---she deserves it! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 98 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,921 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $784 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 663

I hope you had a pleasant weekend, as you certainly deserve it. I think you've done an exemplary job of working through these thoughts and feelings here - and still early in your quit - confusing indeed to say the least. You should be proud, I'm sure your dad would be. Happy Holidays and... keep fightin' the good fight - fish :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/21/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 362 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,869 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1810 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 46 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

Yes, it really is that simple, sometimes you just need to give yourself permission.... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/16/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 729 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 23,337 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �4374 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 95 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49

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Mixed feelings about the holidays..