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Need help to save my family and marriage


Dr. Trevor van Mierlo, Chief Scientific Officer
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Hey Shepard - we're so sorry to hear about your dog. We know that pets are close family members and it's very difficult to loose them. I think you are working on quite a bit right now, and it sounds like you're not getting any rest, but for anyone else reading (or if you have the time) we also have a section on grief and loss. For anyone interested see: More Help > Butterfly (Session) 6.

We can't comment, and it wouldn't be fair for us to comment, on what stage you are at with your wife. You are the best judge of that, and you are only in control of how you act towards others. And you must take care of your well being.

The session content and exercises are frameworks to help you work off of, and it's alway important to talk about these tools with someone who knows you. if you have access to one, your healthcare professional is the best person to speak to as they speak to many other folks in your position. We are also always happy to keep sharing information with you here.

When issues get confusing or overwhelming we encourage you to refer the the Resolving Disputes Final Thoughts section. Here is a direct link: https://evolutionhealth.care/session?pageId=191&sessionId=21.

Please get some rest and keep us posted.


SWS1972
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5 days ago +1 SWS1972 1 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo

I had to reregister, but this is Shepherd72. On top of everything, today we have to put down our family dog. I have moved into the guest room for sleeping, getting only 2 hours a night since I can’t stop agonizing over everything. Work is getting worse, there is nothing positive in my life.

i read the sections. Apparently I am at dissolution with my wife. So if I understand, I should accept and give up trying to resolve?

Dr. Trevor van Mierlo, Chief Scientific Officer
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5 days ago (Edited 5 days ago) 0 Dr. Trevor van Mierlo, Chief Scientific Officer 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo

Hi Shepherd - thanks so much for having the courage to post, and I'm so sorry to hear about the issues you are having with your family, especially as the relationships you have with them are obviously very important to you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and it is important to remember that you need to take care of yourself.

From what you wrote it seems like the three relationships you described have their own positive aspects and challenges. Since they are all different relationships you might want to take a look at the session three under More Help, which is called Resolving Disputes:

348135ef6q2acAMQwF5K9b143QF9iN3i0esYfq.png

The exercises in that session are designed to help you learn how to confidently deal with personal disputes. That way, when you find yourself in a challenging situation, you’ll have the tools to help you navigate through it.

You might also want to think about private messaging or responding to some other new users in this community. Getting support from others, and supporting others, is very important and can help you see that you're not alone.

Please keep us posted,

Trevor


Shepherd72
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7 days ago 0 Shepherd72 1 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo

I am on the verge of separation/divorce from my wife of 16 years, have a very bad relationship with my 15 year old son, and an 11 year old daughter struggling with dyslexia who has been out of school now for three years. I am the sole breadwinner in a stressful job, and have been ostracized by all three of them ranging from ignored to screamed at on a daily basis. Everything has been blamed on me, being told that I'm angry all the time, but it is pure frustration over the fact that nothing is getting better....my wife is not effective in parenting, setting no limits, nor good examples (ie: sleeps late, on ipad all day, poor diet). She went ahead and obtained a medical prescription for cannabis for my son despite my disagreement; all he is doing now is smoking weed and playing xbox (also hasn't been to school in two years due to anxiety and depression). Even something as simple as sending my 11 year old daughter to bed on time results in a three way screaming match at 1 am in the morning (as per last night).


I feel like I'm going insane. I know that if we split up, the sheer economics of it will prevent my kids from getting the help they need. I have begged my wife to go to joint counselling with me. I am fighting depression every day, to the point of felling suicidal, especially when sleep deprived. I know that if I were to leave, things would only continue to get worse for my kids, as my wife would have to go back to work, and our finances would not allow the specialized assistance we've been pursuing (my daughter has been tutored in reading by specialist, and was supposed to start at an alternative school in November).


I'm writing here because i don't know what to do. I am not used to being helpless, or begging. I just can't live like this anymore.


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