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Stress, Part III

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Stress, Part III

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Thanks Tiana :)

Yes I do have weekly goals:

1. To work out at least 3 times per week

2. To eat healthy at least 5 days per week (and I take weekends 'off' to eat what I want, but no junk food)

3. To be in bed before midnight during week days

4. To have at least 3 productive days per week (that means no procrastination!)

At the moment I have not done any of the new lessons because work has kept me very busy (busy good!) but I am keeping a small diary to write my thought records whenever a negative thought comes... but surprisingly, I haven't used it in a while!! That of course doesn't mean I have not had negative thoughts, because I have, is just that they have not been that strong/intense/disturbing, etc. or they go very quickly, I just can't explain it, but whatever the source was of all the darkness, it feels as if it has dissipated, or lightened up...not sure if this makes sense???

All the 'work' is getting easier now. I think I have incorporated some good lifestyle changes and at the beginning it was hard, to force myself to go to the gym, to eat good food, to do the records, etc but it gets easier and easier with the time.

I also discuss this often with my best friend - keeps me accountable and she also provides some balance that sometimes I lack, like for example when I have not been able to go to the gym as often as I wanted, she points out how great I've been doing and reminds me of my accomplishments and that helps me to balance my perspective. She did this so often that nowdays when I find me putting myself down over X or Y I automatically say to myself that this is not true, that I should not feel guilty because I've done Z and A, and all is good and that I am making great progress!!! Sometimes is good to just sit back, take a moment to notice every little progress you've made, and pat yourself on the back :)

The change was not easy at the beginning, it was hard work. But suddenly, I just realised that I changed, for the good :)

Hope everybody else here is also making little progress here and there, because at the end of the day is definitely the ACTIONS that have more impact... good actions create good feelings...!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Sounds like you have great insight, Wellandhappy. I'm happy that you are feeling so positive about your changes! That is great news. Do you have weekly goals? What strategies are you using to ensure balance?

Keep up the good work.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Yes, to be honest I am feeling quite proud of myself :) I just wrote my 'progress story' on Josie's 'Your Personal Journey' and is so nice to see how far I've become in just a few months.

You raise a very good point regarding the guilt and the stress, because I definitely did feel those negative feelings! The way I handled was to realise that taking care of myself and the time to rest and relax is necessary if I want to stay functional, healthy and keep my work performance and also all the 'gains' I've made on overcoming the depression. I can't let a work challenge set me back as I have worked hard for this!! I don't know, I guess these days I've just come to the realisation that if I don't take care of msyelf, who else will?! I will go on a long (and demanding) business trip in 5 weeks (which will be the culmination of the project I am working on) and I need to be on top shape for that. I am going to a fair overseas, working hours will be long and demanding. Therefore I thought, I can't really afford to get burnt out at this stage. I noticed one day last week that I chose to (because nobody forced me to) stay up until 1.00 am working, how poor my performance at work was the next day. So I guess I try to use all that as evidence that a balanced approach works better than an intense, unbalanced one. Best to go at a peace that is sustainable, rather than do short bursts of lots of work for hours and hours in the end just to end up all tired the next day and unable to think or concentrate because of how tired I am. I do get the negative feelings and is quite tempting to give in!! But I just have to keep reminding myself that the balanced approach works better, no matter how tempting it is to go for another 18 working day just to relieve the anxiety (short term 'benefit'). Most tasks can actually wait until the next working day, is just that I was so used to give in to my impulses!! (to relieve stress and anxiety).

On top of this approach actually working better, I felt the satisfaction of 'taking care of myself'. I used to be very bad at this, putting everything and everyone else as a priority. So learning this new skill feels fantastic, I feel like a 'grown up', I feel like I am behaving as someone who loves, respects can cares for her self and is a truly wonderful feeling and I guess that is what helps me fight the negative feelings of guilt :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Wellandhappy,

Good for you! You should be very proud of yourself for taking the time and energy to do this. Great work, you are taking control.

I am glad you said you felt good. What felt good about it for you specifically? How were you able to overcome negative emotions (Eg. guilt, stress, etc.) that may have popped up during this weekend?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Hi Samantha,

Thanks for a wonderful and helpful post.

I have not been around much as coincidentally I have been quite busy at work. Is great to feel productive again, and I have no time to procrastinate, lol. But on the other hand, the work load is a bit excessive at the moment due a temporary project, and things should normalise again in 5 weeks or so.

One old belief of mine was that when work load is excessive it takes priority, and comes even before my rest and relaxation time. But I analised this belief and where it came from, and I noticed mostly that it became from a place of 'drama', a need to stay stressed in order to stay motivated, not sure if this makes sense? I think this is because when I was younger I never really learnt the skill of self positive motivation i.e. desire to achieve, satisfaction of completing a task, etc. rather than a negative motivation (let stress and fear of not finishing my tasks on time be the motivator).

This time around I am trying to do things differently as that belief doesn't serve me and in fact is counterproductive. But for sure, it's been challenging to remain balanced and cope with the stress that sometimes I create myself in order to stay motivated (quite a paradox!). In one hand, I do have to put in the extra hours (working evenings from home, or doing a little bit of work here and there during weekends), but on the other hand I want to make my well being my priority and that means taking care of me and taking enough time for proper rest and relaxation. This is challenging for someone like me as I tend to have a very unbalanced approach. It's been a very good exercise!! And I definitely feel I am taking much better care of myself than prior times when I allowed work to take over and ended up burnt out from the stress and work load.

After having worked for several weekends in a row (not complete weekends, just bits here and there, but still unable to fully disengage from work for the whole weekend) I finally took last week for myself, got someone to clean my house, went to the pool, went to the gym, had a nice bath, dinner with a friend... it all felt very good :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Welcome to Behavioral Therapy Day (CBT) on the forums!

Every Sunday and Thursday will now be known as CBT day.

Every Sunday a DC health educator will launch a challenge. Members are encouraged to take on the challenge and post their results. On the following Thursday, a DC educator will post specific tips and strategies to aid you in the way you look/interpret yourself and the way you view the world.

This week’ challenge we will continue talking about stress management…

Earlier this week we talked about common ways in which we can reduce our stress. Today we will be exploring how our belief system intertwines with our stress levels.
A lot of stress results from our beliefs. We have literally thousands of ideas and assumptions about all kinds of topics & issues that we hold to be the truth. We have beliefs about things, people and ourselves (E.g.: Children should be seen and not heard, she’s too old to be wearing a short skirt, I’m so dumb... ) Most of these beliefs are held unconsciously.

These beliefs can cause stress in two ways:

1. The first is the behavior they cause.
For example, if you believe that work should come before pleasure, you are likely to work hard and schedule less time to yourself. If you believe in “work hard, play hard” you are likely to be balanced.

If you believe my husband/children/parent/patients/students /work/dog … come first, who’s taking care of you? These type of people tend to get overloaded and burnout. Solution? Make an effort to learn the skill you are missing. In this case, one of the skills to focus on would be to learn how to delegate.

2. The second way beliefs cause stress is when they are in conflict with those of other people. If we can realize that our varying opinions reflect our upbringing and subsequently neither is right or wrong, our anger will often times diminish.

For ex: Your daughter battles you every morning because she wants to wear her dress to school in the middle of winter. This morning power struggle stresses you as a parent and stresses your child. Really, what is the core issue here? You were taught you do not wear dresses when it is cold out. Your three year old may be under the assumption she can wear a dress on any occasion and may not understand the sudden restrictions.

You have three options
1. Keep fighting (neither your way nor her way)
2. Put thick tights on your child (her way but you know she won’t be cold)
3. Let her go bare legs (her way but she’ll likely have a change of opinion having learned the natural consequence of wearing a dress in winter time.)

Last week, we asked you to keep track of your stressful events. How many of them were rooted in your beliefs? What beliefs were they? Are those beliefs the absolute truth?

Samantha, Health Educator

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Stress, Part III