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17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 183

Thank you, Danielle. I feel as though I'm spewing nonsense half the time. Hey, does that work like the glass half full? That if I'm spewing nonsense half the time, I'm spewing coherent intelligence half the time as well? Cool. Janice

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Confused, Makes perfect sense! Perhaps keeping track of what that inner critic is saying to you would help identify some patterns so that you may challenge them accordingly. Continuing through the program will also help. Session 9 focuses on core beliefs and assumptions you have about yourself, session 10 focuses on anxiety and gives you some strategies to help and session 11 with help you with your communication skills. Danielle _______________________ The DC Support Team

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 183

Thanks for the supportive words and sentiments :) It actually made me feel better just to write that post, knowing that it would be read by people who really get it. I journal, but I'm the only one who reads my rants and ravings -- not quite the same. Self-esteem or courage in my convictions, perhaps. I like myself and truly believe that I am a good, intelligent, capable person, but I don't seem to have any faith that other people will see me that way. I have a very strong inner critic who is always there, at the ready, with his "yeah, but..." whenever I congratulate myself for a job well done. It's really difficult for me to stand my ground if someone challenges a statement I've made, even if I know that I'm right, unless I have a concrete reference to back me up. And, with my memory in the state it is, accessing references is more than a little tough! :confuse: I've never been fond of conflict, but since my marriage it's almost a phobia. Even hearing my children bickering creates a tremendous amount of anxiety in me. I can usually reduce the anxiety with breathing if it's my children, but otherwise I withdraw into myself -- protecting my core, I suppose. Loud men I find especially intimidating, and I've developed an extremely irritating habit of going all girly and cute if I have to say something potentially controversial. It makes me crazy! It also takes away from any professional demeanour that I may have been trying to put across. Does this make any sense?

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi, my name is Tracey. Just wanted you to know I do understand how you feel. I have been living with depression for most of my life. I'm sorry to say that I don't have any answers except that with me when I'm at my worst the only comfort I can take is to know that it will pass. It seems like there is nothing anyone can do to make you "get over it". To me that is whats so bad people not understanding that you can't just make it stop and you sure don't want to feel like you do. Anyway like I said I don't have any advice but to hold on it will pass and you aren't alone. :)

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Confused, Leaving your husband was a good step in the right direction and I don't doubt it was probably very hard thing to step up and do and the passing of a parent is never easy for anyone. Any particular area you're struggling with with regards to self-esteem? Maybe we can help? Does anyone else struggle with self-esteem? Danielle _____________________ The DC Support Team

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 183

I left my husband, not because he cheated and lied, but because he was an emotionally abusive bully. I don't know which, if either, is worse, but the thing they both have in common with the "just think of all the starving children and snap out of it" people is a blatant lack of respect. Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are, their feelings and their beliefs, most particularly by people who claim they care about us! Living with, loving, someone who treats you with such disrespect is soul-destroying. I was married for 9 years, and I was so ashamed of myself for allowing him to treat me like he did. I withdrew into myself almost completely: I lost my voice, my self-esteem, my self. I really don't think that I would have had the emotional strength to leave if it hadn't been for my children. My girls were 4 and 6 when one day they were present during one of his tirades and I realized that I couldn't just stand by and allow them to grow up in that environment, to grow up thinking that the way their father behaved was an appropriate way to treat someone or to be treated. That was nearly 7 years ago. I'm back in the black hole again -- possibly because I under-estimated the damage to my self-esteem, but also because I subsequently got into a toxic work environment and then my father got ill and passed away (please, please, nobody say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!") -- but my girls are wonderful. They are happy and confident in themselves and I know that I made the right decision. And I can't even imagine the state I would be in now if I had been through the past few years with his criticism, ridicule and contempt along to support me! Others here have said it, but I'm going to repeat it: it's hard for people who have never experienced depression to really understand what we're going through. But for people who truly care about us, that's a cop out -- you don't need to understand in order to support someone you love.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi everyone, Interesting discussion. It can be very encouraging to know that you are not alone in experiencing these same type of relationship concerns. Feel free to continue to share your thoughts and ideas everyone. Casey ____________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

I hate to be repetitive, but I have to say it again. Dr.Phil on t.v. says, "When people show you who they really are, believe them." I guess you have to decide if you want to spend your life and give all your trust to someone who lies, cheats and keeps secrets from you. What are you worth? I spent 7 years with a man who earned/deserved no trust from me whatsoever, but I kept giving it to him. Once I took a good look at the future with him, being alone looked pretty good. He cheated, lied every day about stupid things, and to this day thinks his role in life is to tell me what all is wrong with me, even though I dumped him 11 years ago. Unfortunately, we have a son, so I try to be patient and let my son have contact with him, but he is such a sociopath that I really don't think it's a good idea sometimes. His main way of showing affection for his son is to show up once or twice a year and give him stolen clothes and shoes. What a role model! What an indication of my bad choices! Anyway, if the man you are with makes you feel lower than you already do, you need to see that it's time to go. There is no reason to feel worse than you already do, and he obviously is not going to change. "Leopards don't change their spots." My best friend always said when I thought I would "fix" my son's dad. WHat an idiot I was, I see it now. Please put yourself and your kids first, and leave while you still have any self esteem at all. You will never get past the cheating, the trust will never come back, and it shouldn't. He is a cheater and will probably do it again. You deserve to be happy, so why not? I wish you strength. L.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi, I'm out here...feeling the same as you. Feeling I have no real value in this life. About a few years ago my husband had a week long affair. I forgave him and everything but something happened recently that had a surprising affect on me. His brother told him something and told him not to share it with anyone well...he wouldn't even share it with 'me' his wife. I felt like he is more loyal to his brother than he was to our marriage vows. It really put me in a downward spiral. It showed me even though I had forgiven him the pain is still there.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Wow, do I ever hear you about the unsupportive behaviour and words of people who may mean well but just have no idea how we feel. I have had people actually say to me, "think of starving children in Africa, then you'll realize you have nothing to feel bad about" Oh, yes, that really helps, I think about starving kids and I just want to party. Pardon the sarcasm, but I just really hate that attitude, that if we just appreciated what we have, we would start skipping around and laughing as we 'should' be. Education is so important, I am not even in a relationship right now as I don't have the energy for it, but I make sure my kids and friends read about this illness so that they don't feel like they can "cheer me up" or feel responsible when I just want to hide in bed all day. When you don't feel like you deserve any love, it's hard to be loving towards someone else. I hope you can educate or find someone who will help you to educate your family. It's hard enough having this stupid problem without people acting like we choose to feel this way when we get up in the morning. "Today, I think I'll just be so depressed that I can't move, yes, that's my plan." I am afraid they really believe that sometimes. I wish you strength. L.

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