Get the Support You Need

Learn from thousands of users who have made their way through our courses. Need help getting started? Watch this short video.

today's top discussions:

logo

Challenging Worry

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-20 11:42 PM

Depression Community

logo

Hello

Linda Q

2024-04-11 5:06 AM

Anxiety Community

logo

Addiction

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-08 3:54 PM

Managing Drinking Community

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Browse through 411.749 posts in 47.054 threads.

160,526 Members

Please welcome our newest members: eggmegrolf, PearlCat19, mima, FrannyLou, AABBYGAIL RUTH

Topic: Role Transitions and Relationships


12 years ago 0 1665 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi museluver:  I think I can relate to what you are feeling right now.  I also have transitioned, but I am the one who has moved away to start a new partnership, farther away from my two daughters but closer to my son.  I was left caring for my elderly mother also.  I am the only family left as one sister is in Australia and a brother who goes south for 6 months of the yr.  It is difficult if I think in terms of never seeing them again - I have not abandoned them.  (Changing negative to positive)  Still with the holidays coming it is my first without my daughters, though one daughter, the older one, had decided to celebrate elsewhere on a couple of occasions in the past which was fine with me.  Afterall she was all grown up in her 20's at the time and could make her own decisions.  I respected her choice though of course we did miss her.
Sometimes we had some misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etc. (it happens in most families) and I often had to be the one to offer the olive branch.  I figure I could show/teach by example.  I found that if I was patient and waited without reproach, she always came back.  So maybe your daughter will too given some time.  I always tried a happy approach, invites to dinner, family occasions, etc.  She often would say no, she had other plans.  Of course I was disappointed and so was the rest of the family, but in time as I said before, she wanted us in her life again.  My Dad always used to say to me "the door is always open.  There is nothing you can do which would not allow us to welcome you".  That sort of message.  I used it for my children too.  Things are going well between us now.
As for your feelings of inadequacy filling your different roles, well, we aren't experts are we?  We have feelings too and sometimes need to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others.  You can be a great support to your other daughter.  Just knowing you are there and willing to listen or hold her hand is a wonderful thing.  Hope she's feeling better real soon.

Don't know if any of this has helped.  Just thought I'd share what I found was some similarities in our life right now.  I hope you do go out once in awhile even just for a coffee somewhere.  We need balance in our lives and staying at home and worrying about these things is not helpful.  You need a break every now and then.

Sunny
12 years ago 0 2606 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello muselover,
 
Thank you for sharing and opening up with us. It sounds like you have been going through some role transitions.  I would highly recommend working through session 12: Resolving Disputes and Session 15: Role transitions to help you in these situations. These two sessions will provide you with information and homework exercises to help you deal with your interpersonal relationships and the new roles you have taken on. Excelling in these new roles will take time and working through the session will help you get through this process.
 
Members, how have you adjusted to new roles? What strategies have you used to resolve conflict with your children?
 


Samantha, Health Educator
12 years ago 0 59 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I find myself having several role transitions at the same time, I have been a widow for 9 years now & our twin daughters both just graduated from university,they both live away from home, one decided to live at the other end of the country & to cut me out of her life, which I cannot come to terms with,  the other however, does want me in her life but has mental health problems herself, so I am trying to be a support system for her. I also recently lost my father and am left to take care of my elderly mother, whilst trying to maintain a new relationship with my partner who lives 200 miles away. All these transitions are very difficult to cope with and I find myself not knowing where to begin. As a result of avoiding situations and  not socializing I have lost most of my friends. I have no-one to turn to.

My first priority obviously is to my children, I know they need room to establish their own lives & I have given them this, but my youngest daughter does not want me in her life, although I respect her decision it is hard to contemplate a life without her. 

I have learned that before I can begin to repair any of these relationships I need to learn to like myself, but I am finding this very hard. I know I am a good person which is a good place to start, I will do anything to help others, and tend to put others before myself, hence I find myself in the situation I am in now, feeling lost and alone.

I don't feel that I excel in any of my roles and desperately need some advice, I feel I am losing not only my family
but my partner also.
12 years ago 0 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
When my daughter left for college 4 years ago, I had empty nest syndrome.  The Role Transitions Session really helped me adjust from being the Mother of a child, to being the Mother of an adult.  It's the way you look at it.

Soon, I will be in a location transition :)

Shari
12 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Major life changes often result in role transitions. By definition, when we’re in a role transition we move from an old role to a new role. Because the new role is, well, new, it can be hard to adjust to - and it can be difficult for other people in our lives to make the adjustment to our change. Other people in our lives may have difficulty accepting, or getting used to, our new roles.

This is why role transitions can lead to depression as people struggle to define themselves in their new role.

Role Transitions and Relationships

Role transitions can lead to significant problems in relationships because new roles require a change in expectations. For example, when people have children, each person’s role in the relationship changes from “married” or “partner” to “parent.”

People often have difficulty defining themselves in that new role.. They have trouble changing their view of themselves from happy go lucky or workaholic to responsible parent. Others get into conflict in their relationship because they and their partner have different expectations of the role transition and what the new definitions of parent means. Remember: people get into disputes when they have different expectations in a relationship, and role transitions often create a situation in which people can have very different expectations about the new role. As a result, role transitions often result in relationship problems.

If one or more of your relationships has been affected by a role transition, you may find the rest of this session very helpful. If you don’t think you’re currently struggling with a role transition, you may still find the information in this session helpful for understanding other peoples’ struggles. At the very least, it will prepare you to cope with future role transitions.

How has role transition affected your relationships?
 
 

Reading this thread: