Hi Liza, Davit: I can sure relate to negative core beliefs. As I was growing up I didn't get too many pats on the back for anything, nor hugs. Instead of praise I often got criticism. One episode when I was learning how to read in Gr. 2 or so, I was doing my homework reading lesson with my father. I was standing in front of him and he was holding my book, so that I was looking over the top and reading upsidedown. Impressed, my father said to my mother "look at that, not only can she read, she can read upsidedown". I was very happy with this compliment, especially since English was a second language to me at that time, still new, but my mother answered, "so what". She rarely complimented me on anything, nor hugged me.
We had a tragedy in our family also. Two brothers were drowned in a boating accident. You know the question "why me"? For me it was "why not me". I was always with my brothers in the boat, fishing, just playing at the beach, etc. That one day, because my Dad was there for the wknd. from work, he took only the boys out, not me because I was a girl, and the terrible accident happened. Understandably that started a lot of anxiety at home. My father started to drink after this, he was a violent drunk and it was frightening. Too bad there was no grief counseling in those days. I saw things a child should never see. Let's just say it certainly does colour your world and gives you lots of negative core beliefs. Once you figure them out, you can get rid of them, one by one. The CBT program works! I was a shy, introverted, sad person for a long time. I can say today I am confident and well liked by my peers and fairly happy. It was CBTherapy which helped me understand what negative beliefs were influencing my thought patterns and helped me think positively and start healing.
Hope this helps you in some way. You are not alone. I no longer have panic attacks, CBT works.
Keep the faith,
Sunny
