You know, I've had a lot of friends who attempted suicide, many more that passed on for other reasons. I don't mean to sound...like I have no remorse for the issue...but really, what a person chooses to do is exactly that, their choice. The only way I can take it, is a reason to appreciate what you have more. Especially in cases where the people are straight up and down angels in your life, it makes me realize how one moment we have something great, the next it can be gone. Appreciate what you have, let go of what's no longer before what's no longer makes you forget about the people you should be appreciating.
When you get tangled up, tango on! But from the name of this post alone, I can see you live life by the tango. ;-)
I am sorry to hear about everything you had to go through. I am amazed at how well you are dealing and doing with this. Very proud of you.
I think it is very sad about your friend. My condoleances. Suicide is just so hard to understand. I wish I had something wise and great to tell you (that seems to be your department though lol) but I must admit I find myself at a loss for words.
Thank you for sharing how you are doing better with the anxiety and please feel free to come here and share with us some more.
Oh DB , what alot you have had on your plate how awful . Like DM said im finding this really sad being a mother .
Suicide , well i used to be quite hard on that subject . I used to get very angry and say how selfish it was . Till in 2006 my brother attempted twice and nearly succeeded . He is my baby bro , i was 19 when he was born so i feel quite motherly to him more than sisterly as i looked after him so much when he was little and now when i can .
Im quite angry that he has never been offered councelling , i thought that was an automatic thing here if someone tried it . Espically twice for crying out loud . Im angry at my parents , i begged them to push for it the first time let alone the second time . Nope hes ok now , we are watching him . I have had some pretty caring and brutal talks to him . But when ever i hear he is down i panick . To be told im stupid he wont do anything arghhh .
Enough of this . Im so pleased and proud of the way you are going now . You have been so strong and brave and ever so helpful . Good luck with going back to work , pretty sure you will be fine . Dont mean that to sound lightly either .
Thanks darkblue for giving us feedback of your improvement or "cure" from panic. Very few people have writen of how they have been cured. It really gives me hope:)
Sorry about your friend. I agree that there is always help and one should never give up like that. It leaves so much hurt for those around them.
My mother in law attempted suicide a few times (mother in laws...). It really hurt my wife and her father. Please don't beat yourself up over her passing. One cannot make another person find happiness. Just like when somebody says to you "snap out of your panic". It never helps.
You are a success and I'm glad you recognize that in spite of all that has happened.
I too don't understand suicide I think for the person suffering which they surely are it's an easy answer. It takes greater courage to stay and face the demon... or so I believe. Until you are in those shoes maybe you never truly know. In all respects though it is a tragic loss to all involved especially her child. Being a mom I find it heart breaking.
She knew you cared darkblue and you did all that she allowed you too. You couldn't have done more as she didn't allow you or anyone to see that part of her. Those are thoughts and feelings you will have to work through though in time.
Be patient with yourself as only time will heal...and although you have questions they may never be answered sadly enough.
I'm so sorry again for your loss darkblue... I feel quite saddened after reading through this.
I'm terribly sorry about your friend, I have had friends in the past attempt suicide themselves and I personally don't understand it either. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Take time to grieve
Welcome back! I am also terribly sorry about your friend. Please take your time to grieve and we are all here for a shoulder.. but I know you would want to blame yourself because of how considerate and great you are, but you did all that you could have at the limit of her informing you about anything. I agree with you about suicide too... but I did learn this after I decided to not give up and I'm really glad I didn't.
Panic is no longer a part of my life. I owe it to this site, the people here, and myself of course.
My brother, who was living with my mother in Spain, has come to live with me for a few months while my mum tries to make Spain work for her. She hates the UK and really wants to try and make it work, financially.
I'm still not back at work, but I want to be. My doctor won't let me go back until my work agrees to start me part time. So there's some heavy negotiations about working times and salary to get in to, but I'm ready for it.
A dear friend of mine, and a great work colleague, recently committed suicide.
It makes me shiver to think of it.
She was a wonderful woman with a child just starting school and a husband whom she was not happy with.
She left work due to stress around the same time I did, but she obviously could not cope any longer.
I'm deeply sad about this, but most of all I'm angry and frustrated. Suicide is the very worst kind of way to lose someone to.
I'm trying quickly to get rid of feelings of guilt. I know that I could have helped her had she approached me, but this woman was always so upbeat, happy and apparently content that it never occurred to me how much she was suffering.
I couldn't attend her funeral because I was only told the day before her funeral about her death. Apparently there were talks with my bosses about whether or not they should tell me due to my own mental state, but they must have decided I would have found out anyway.
We hadn't been in touch in a few months because we were both off work, but I always felt quite close to her.
I have a terrible ability to spot someone who is in mental dispair, even if they don't say it. And I just feel as though if I had just pushed a little more, she might have opened up.
Maybe if I did her daughter would still have a mother.
But I do understand it was neither my responsibilty nor my place.
I've lost two friends very suddenly in the last few months, and it never gets any easier.
But suicide.
Suicide. I've never understood it.
I've always had so much determination to get over my problems. I have suffered from major depression, and have never seriously considered it.
I can't understand it.
I feel like telling everyone in the world that although their life may be horrendous. You may feel like you are burried in a mountain of black depression - but there is always, always, ALWAYS a way out. There is always help. There is always a life at the end of your misery. And you will be better equiped, stronger and wiser to the world to deal with it.
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. I have had some pretty caring and brutal talks to him . But when ever i hear he is down i panick . To be told im stupid he wont do anything arghhh . 
