I am here and I dont want to be.
Avoiding?? I dont think so. Wanting to continue with my psychologist, yes. Also wanting some sort of norm in my life, yes. Wanting to develop a pattern where I can get better, yes.
Being here with my family is good, cause its family. But honestly, no one understands. I told my parents I am only working these 2 weeks then I am going back home.
They are mad. But honestly. I do not want to be here, talking about the business, thinking about it, makes my anxiety sky rocket.
Days before I even left to come to work my anxiety was out of control. And now that I am here I am dreading it all and dont want to be here.
I cried half way here (8 hour drive). Ive never done that. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I am frustrated, I am trying to make the best of it. I just want it to be over and I want to go home.
There are other things too, like my mother bugging me about my weight, telling me I shouldn't be eating Mini Wheats because its too much calories to have in the morning. Shes always said things about my weight. and it just is bothering me more so cause Im not happy like this, I want to be thinner and healthier, but like my psychologist said, it will come off easier once I am happier and more at peace with my mind.
Blah...I dont know. Im going crazy being here, thats all I know.
